Lesbians and Dog Custody: What happens to the dog when lesbians break up?

Lesbians and Dogs: Shared Custody With Ex’s?

 

Survey Visits: 389

Survey’s Completed: 159

The lesbians and dogs custody survey was reader-suggested. For this great topic, we are looking at the relationship between lesbians and their dogs.

For starters, the lesbians and dog custody survey inquired about how many lesbian couples adopted, purchased or acquired a dog with a female partner. A whoooping 74% said yes, and only 26% said no.

According to the 159 lesbians who complerted our survey, 26% report they got a dog with their female partner within the first year of their relationship. The majority (39%) of survey respondents report getting a dog together between years one and three. Twenty-six percent indicate they do not get a dog together.

What was the reason you wanted to adopt or purchase a dog with your partner?

      • My partner wanted one ~ 28%
      • I wanted one ~ 14%
      • We both wanted one ~ 50%
      • To feel like we “own” something together ~ 8%

In years one through three, 58% of lesbians report getting a dog because they both wanted one. This seems to be the most common reason and the most frequently reported time frame for getting one.

Interestingly, 18% of women who state the reason they got a dog was because their partner wanted one say they have kept, or will keep, the dog in the event of a separation, with 60% stating the partner wanting the dog keeps the dog, and 17% report joint custody of the dog. When asked how many different relationships lesbians aquired a new dog, only 27% indicate that they got a dog with a partner in more than one relationship. 

Who retained custody of the dogs, or will retain custody of the dog, if there is a break up?

  • I will keep, or have kept the dog ~ 24%
  • She will keep, or has kept, the dog ~ 25%
  • WE would have, or do have, joint custody 11%
  • I have experienced both situations where have gotten the dog, and I have lost the dog ~ 12%
  • Break up? We are in it for the U-Haul…I mean the long haul ~ 28%

Interesting observation: of those reporting they are in it for the long haul, 18% are in their first relationship, 27% are in their second relationship, 43% are in their 3rd to 5th relationship, 9% are in their 6th to 10th relationship and 2% are in their 11th or more relationship. Relationship optimism seems most prevalent among those in their 3rd to 5th relationship.

At what point in your relationship did you get dogs?

  • 0-3 months ~ 3%
  • 4-6 months ~ 9%
  • 7 -11 months ~ 14%
  • 1-3 years ~ 39%
  • 4+ years ~ 9%
  • Does not apply ~ 25%

What was the reason you wanted to adopt or purchase dogs with your partner?

  • My partner wanted one ~ 28%
  • I wanted one ~ 14%
  • We both wanted one ~ 50%
  • To feel like we “own” something together ~ 8%

 In years one through three, 58% of lesbians report getting a dog because they both wanted one. This seems to be the most common reason and the most frequently reported time frame for getting one.

Interestingly, 18% of women who state the reason they got a dog was because their partner wanted one say they have kept, or will keep, the dog in the event of a separation, with 60% stating the partner wanting the dog keeps the dog, and 17% report joint custody of the dog.

    In how many different relationships have you acquired new dogs with a female partner?

        • 0 ~ 35%
        • 1 ~ 39%
        • 2 ~ 22%
        • 3 ~ 4%
        • 4+ ~ 1%

    Who retained custody of the dogs, or will retain custody of the dogs, if there is a break up?

    • I will keep, or have kept the dog ~ 24%
    • She will keep, or has kept, the dog ~ 25%
    • WE would have, or do have, joint custody 11%
    • I have experienced both situations where have gotten the dog, and I have lost the dog ~ 12%
    • Break up? We are in it for the U-Haul…I mean the long haul ~ 28%

    Interesting observation: of those reporting they are in it for the long haul, 18% are in their first relationship, 27% are in their second relationship, 43% are in their 3rd to 5th relationship, 9% are in their 6th to 10th relationship and 2% are in their 11th or more relationship. Relationship optimism seems most prevalent among those in their 3rd to 5th relationship.

    How many lesbian relationships have you had?

    • 0 ~ 0%
    • 1 ~ 11%
    • 2 ~ 16%
    • 3-5 ~ 55%
    • 6-10 ~ 16%
    • 11+ ~ 3%

    What is your age?

    • 18-24 ~ 18%
    • 25-34 ~ 18%
    • 35-44 ~ 23%
    • 45-54 ~ 30%
    • 55+ ~ 10%

    ABOUT Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D.

    Relationships are my thing. Some would say, my obsession. While I only scored an 83.75% on my own "How Lesbian Are You" test,  don't let that fool you. Since returning to school in the '90s for my MSW, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: help lesbian couples grow love. 

    I am that person who has built her life around one thing: lesbian relationships and women loving women. For fun, I do things like create online quizzes at asklesbians.com, to learn more about real lesbians. Or I write books. like, "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," to give couples an easy way to communicate. (www.1000question.app) And, now that our boys are young men, my love, and my wife, Kristen, and I are growing lesbian love through Lesbian Couples Retreats and The Lesbian Roadshow throughout the U.S. in awesome destinations where our motto is, "love out loud" with Adventures in Love.  You can learn more about those at lesbiancouples.co.

    #1 Desire in Lesbian Relationships is to Feel Loved

    #1 Desire in Lesbian Relationships is to Feel Loved


    to feel loved
    Survey says that above all else, feeling loved is most important to lesbians. In a very brief, no-nonsense survey on asklesbians.com, lesbians were asked not only about how important it is to feel loved, but also to rate 13 other aspects of a relationship according to importance. The scale was 1-5, with one being very low importance, and 5 being the highest importance.

    Twenty four lesbians completed the survey. Their ages ranged from age from 18 to over 54 with the majority falling into two age groups:

    • 38% ages 18-24
    • 29% ages 35-44

    The bulk of women completing the survey identify as cis-gender female (which means they were assigned female at birth and this gender assignment suits them just fine). Four participants did not identify as cis (one transfemale, and three non-binary).

    The following scores represent the weighted scores for each variable on the survey. The higher the number, the more important this variable is to the lesbians who completed the survey.

    • 4.25 Feeling Loved
    • 4.17 Feeling Understood
    • 4.09 Humor
    • 4.08 Overall Relationship Satisfaction
    • 4.04 Sexual Chemistry
    • 3.92 Emotional Connection
    • 3.92 Emotional Safety and Security
    • 3.88 Fidelity/Faithfulness
    • 3.83 Intellectual Connection
    • 3.71 Pleasure from Sex
    • 3.46 Social Compatibility
    • 3.33 Frequency of Sex
    • 2.96 Spiritual Connection
    • 2.5 Financial Security

    What surprised me most about these results is that Safety and Security weren’t higher. Granted, the survey sample is small. I’m also curious about what makes financial security so low. I find myself wondering if that is a reflection of not wanting to place the value of money above the value of love? However, for this survey, you can have both (rate them both a 5), so it’s curious to me if there is a rejection of or disinterest in financial security?

    The top four make sense to me. Except, again, it’s curious to me that feeling loved doesn’t ring in at a solid 5. Does this mean that there are a couple of lesbians that find that to feel loved is overrated? Or feeling understood is only generally important, but not always important?

    • 4.25 Feeling Loved
    • 4.17 Feeling Understood
    • 4.09 Humor
    • 4.08 Overall Relationship Satisfaction

    These surveys always leave me even more curious. How about you? What do you think about these results? Do you agree it’s most important to feel loved in your relationship?

    ABOUT Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D.

    Relationships are my thing. Some would say, my obsession. While I only scored an 83.75% on my own "How Lesbian Are You" test,  don't let that fool you. Since returning to school in the '90s for my MSW, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: help lesbian couples grow love. 

    I am that person who has built her life around one thing: lesbian relationships and women loving women. For fun, I do things like create online quizzes at asklesbians.com, to learn more about real lesbians. Or I write books. like, "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," to give couples an easy way to communicate. (www.1000question.app) And, now that our boys are young men, my love, and my wife, Kristen, and I are growing lesbian love through Lesbian Couples Retreats and The Lesbian Roadshow throughout the U.S. in awesome destinations where our motto is, "love out loud" with Adventures in Love.  You can learn more about those at lesbiancouples.co.

    Do you have a lesbian date? How many dates before you commit?

    Do you have a lesbian date? How many dates before you commit?

    Should I commit after one lesbian date?

     

    Survey visits: 404 

    Completed  the lesbian date survey:  105 

     

    One of the most common jokes about lesbians, ever, is:

     Question: What does a lesbian bring on their second date? 

    Answer: A U-Haul

     (Full disclosure, we are guilty of keeping this alive by selling a t-shirt about this at our lesbiangift.store) 

    lesbian date, u-haulResearchers have come up with terms to describe the rapid bonding that occurs between women in love, such as, the urge to merge, fusion, and lack of individuation, etc. What this means in everyday terms is that women who love women are prone to moving quickly, bonding deeply, and the stereotype that may or may not be true, is that women lose themselves in their relationships with other women in no time at all.

    In research conducted by Charlene Yvette Senn (2010), points out that “given the strength of this fundamental assumption about fusion in writing by and about women in same-sex couples, there has been little research demonstrating problematic levels of closeness, merger, and/or fusion in their relationships.” She also shares that “Some authors have suggested that there may be pathological components to closeness or fusion if the relationship lacks boundaries or is characterized by excessive appeasement and conflict avoidance, but that a high degree of closeness itself is not pathological (Ackbar & Senn, 2010; Kitzinger, 1996).

    Anecdotally, it has been my experience in working with female same-sex couples that it is precisely the desire to AVOID CONFLICT, and I would add FOSTER SECURITY/ATTACHMENT (rather than closeness, per se), that moves women toward each other in ways that cause challenges in relationship.

    How long do you date before committing?

     

    1-4 dates: 40%

    5-10 dates: 46%

    11-20 dates: 11%

    21-60 dates: 2%

    60 or more dates: 2%

    As you can see, the survey participants on the lesbian date survey reveal that 86% of lesbians commit to a relationship between 1 and 10 dates. What is curious to me is, what motivates women to move in together so quickly? If it isn’t the desire to be super close, super fast (the urge to merge, or fusion), might it help foster security and attachment? This is what makes sense to me. What are your thoughts?

    Just to give you insight about who completed the lesbian date survey, here are the stats on their dating activity, dating history, age and relationship status and history. 

    With how many women have you had at least one date where there was physical contact (at least kissing or more)?

    None ~ 6%

    1 ~ 11%

    2-4 ~36%

    5-10 ~ 28%

    11-20 ~ 11%

    20-30 ~ 4%

    30+ ~ 6%

    With how many women have you had at least one date in your lifetime?

    None ~ 0

    1 ~ 10%

    2-4 ~37%

    5-10 ~ 31%

    11-20 ~ 11%

    20-30 ~ 4%

    30+ ~ 7%

    How many committed, intimate relationships with woman have you had?

    1 ~ 17%

    2 ~ 27%

    3-5 ~ 47%

    6-10 ~ 8%

    11+ ~ 2%

    How old are you?

    18-24 ~ 21%

     24-29 ~ 11%

     29-30 ~ 2%

     31-35 ~ 11%

     36-40 ~ 12%

     41-50 ~ 25%

     50+ 19%

    ABOUT Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D.

    Relationships are my thing. Some would say, my obsession. While I only scored an 83.75% on my own "How Lesbian Are You" test,  don't let that fool you. Since returning to school in the '90s for my MSW, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: help lesbian couples grow love. 

    I am that person who has built her life around one thing: lesbian relationships and women loving women. For fun, I do things like create online quizzes at asklesbians.com, to learn more about real lesbians. Or I write books. like, "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," to give couples an easy way to communicate. (www.1000question.app) And, now that our boys are young men, my love, and my wife, Kristen, and I are growing lesbian love through Lesbian Couples Retreats and The Lesbian Roadshow throughout the U.S. in awesome destinations where our motto is, "love out loud" with Adventures in Love.  You can learn more about those at lesbiancouples.co.

    Uhaul Lesbians and their Dating Behavior

    Uhaul Lesbians and their Dating Behavior

    Uhaul Lesbians Dating Behavior

    This is a quick summary of the feedback for our survey on how quickly lesbians move from dating to committing, to see if there is any merit to the Uhaul joke, about “what does a lesbian bring on a second date?” … “A u-haul.”

    We had 404 Visits to the survey. Of those visitors, 105 brave lesbians completed the questions. Here’s how they responded.

    How long have you been dating women?

    To get an idea of who the uhaul lesbians are in this survey, we have inquired about how long women have been dating lesbians. The majority of women (92%) have been dating women, in general, for at least one year. And 76% have been dating women for over 3 years.

    • <1 year ~ 8%
    • 1-3 years ~ 16%
    • 4-9 years ~ 21%
    • 10-20 years ~ 31%
    • 21+ years ~ 24%

    On average, how long do you date a woman before committing to be exclusive with another woman?

    To verify whether or not uhaul lesbians still exist, we are asking one simple question. How long do you date before you commit? Of course, this does not mean that the couples move in together, as the Uhaul suggestions, but it does indicate how quickly women commit to one another which is certainly a part of the uhaul lesbians phenomenon.

    Of the women who completed this survey, 86% commit to a woman between 1-10 dates. In fact, 40% of women report having committed to being exclusive with a woman after only one to four dates.

    • 1-4 dates ~ 40%
    • 5-10 dates ~ 46%
    • 11-20 dates ~ 11%
    • 21-60 dates ~ 2%
    • 60 or more dates ~ 2%

    With how many women have you had at least one date (mutually agreed upon time spent together to get to know each other in a romantic context – which does not require physical contact to qualify as a date) in your lifetime?

    • None ~ 0
    • 1 ~ 10%
    • 2-4 ~37%
    • 5-10 ~ 31%
    • 11-20 ~ 11%
    • 20-30 ~ 4%
    • 30+ ~ 7%

    With how many women have you had at least one date where there was physical contact (at least kissing or more)?

    • None ~ 6%
    • 1 ~ 11%
    • 2-4 ~36%
    • 5-10 ~ 28%
    • 11-20 ~ 11%
    • 20-30 ~ 4%
    • 30+ ~ 6%

    How old are you?

    • 18-24 ~ 21%
    • 24-29 ~ 11%
    • 29-30 ~ 2%
    • 31-35 ~ 11%
    • 36-40 ~ 12%
    • 41-50 ~ 25%
    • 50+ 19%

    How many committed, intimate relationships with a woman have you had?

    • 1 ~ 17%
    • 2 ~ 27%
    • 3-5 ~ 47%
    • 6-10 ~ 8%
    • 11+ ~ 2%

    It seems there continues to be some merit to the idea of uhaul lesbians that move quickly when they fall for a woman. Eight-six percent of women report they commit to becoming exclusive at some point between one and ten dates. Forty-percent of these women say they commit in less than 5 dates.

    What happens to the dogs when lesbians break up?

     

    Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex: What do gay women like?

    Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex: What do gay women like?

    Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex:  What do lesbians like most?

    Of all the various sexual actvities between women, scissoring seems to get the most attention. It is increasingly visible in movies such as Blue Is the Warmest Color, Handmaiden, and Orange is the New Black.  It would be natural to assume that this is a regular sexual activity of lesbians, given the coverage it has been receiving on screen.

    In an effort to see if the media representation of lesbian scissoring is accurate, we created a survey of 130 female-identified women who report attraction to women, 12 sexual activities (listed below) were ranked in order of  satisfaction, frequency, and displeasure.

    The following lesbian sexual activities were included in the survey:  Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger, Oral Sex (Receiving), Oral Sex (Giving), Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy, Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger, Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy, Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body), Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand, Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time), Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time), Anal Sex (Receiving), and Anal Sex (Giving).

    The verdict is in:  lesbian scissoring is not a preferred sexual activity of most lesbians.

    Here’s what we learned about the most preferred lesbian sex.

    The top MOST SATISFYING LESBIAN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES (as defined by either leading to orgasm or if non-orgasmic, providing maximum pleasure) are:

    • Clitoral stimulation by partner’s hand (67%)
    • Receiving oral sex (64%)
    • Clitoral stimulation by vibrator or toy (55%)
    • Penetrative stimulation by partners hand or fingers (54%)

    The top four sexual activities MOST FREQUENTLY engaged in by lesbians are:

    • Clitoral stimulation by partner’s hand (76%)
    • Penetrative stimulation by partner’s hand or fingers (71%)
    • Giving oral sex (68%)
    • Receiving oral sex (60%)

    The LEAST ENJOYED sexual activity by lesbians are:

    • receiving anal sex (70%)
    • giving anal sex (58%)
    • lesbian scissoring (33%)

    The following survey results are provided for those seeking detailed information about the responses.

    Most Satisfying Lesbian Sexual Activities

    lesbian scissoring

    • 67% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
    • 64% Oral Sex (Receiving)
    • 55% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
    • 54% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
    • 39% Oral Sex (Giving)
    • 31% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
    • 28% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
    • 25% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
    • 21% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
    • 15% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
    • 8% Anal Sex (Receiving)
    • 6% Anal Sex (Giving)
    • 4% Other – oral breast stimulation

    Sexual Behaviors that Lesbians Report Almost Always Engaging In

    • 75% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
    • 70% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
    • 69% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
    • 68% Oral Sex (Giving)
    • 60% Oral Sex (Receiving)
    • 55% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
    • 36% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
    • 20% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
    • 10% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
    • 6% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
    • 6% Anal Sex (Receiving)
    • 5% Anal Sex (Giving)
    • OTHER activities noted in the blank text box:
      • Oral stimulation to the breast by a partner (which was an oversight, and meant to be included with “by hand”)
      • Spanking, slapping, and fisting
      • Kissing
      • Oral stimulation all over the body
      • Massage
      • Nibbles

    Sexual Activity that Lesbians Report Engaging in Occasionally, but not Regularly

    • 46% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
    • 38% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
    • 34% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
    • 32% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
    • 28% Oral Sex (Receiving)
    • 25% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
    • 22% Oral Sex (Giving)
    • 19% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
    • 18% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
    • 18% Anal Sex (Giving)
    • 16% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
    • 14% Anal Sex (Receiving)

    Sexual Activity that Lesbians Report They Do Not Enjoy

    • 10% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
    • 10% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
    • 15% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
    • 12% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
    • 8% Oral Sex (Receiving)
    • 33% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
    • 5% Oral Sex (Giving)
    • 19% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
    • 10% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
    • 58% Anal Sex (Giving)
    • 5% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
    • 69% Anal Sex (Receiving)
    • 10% Report NO dislikes

    The age of survey respondents

     

    Self Identify 

    Percentage of Participants Who Experience Orgasm

    Got Questions?

    10 + 4 =

    ABOUT Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D.

    Relationships are my thing. Some would say, my obsession. While I only scored an 83.75% on my own "How Lesbian Are You" test,  don't let that fool you. Since returning to school in the '90s for my MSW, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: help lesbian couples grow love. 

    I am that person who has built her life around one thing: lesbian relationships and women loving women. For fun, I do things like create online quizzes at asklesbians.com, to learn more about real lesbians. Or I write books. like, "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," to give couples an easy way to communicate. (www.1000question.app) And, now that our boys are young men, my love, and my wife, Kristen, and I are growing lesbian love through Lesbian Couples Retreats and The Lesbian Roadshow throughout the U.S. in awesome destinations where our motto is, "love out loud" with Adventures in Love.  You can learn more about those at lesbiancouples.co.

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