Five Key Areas of Relationship Success and Healthy Relationship Goals Examples
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a 480 question, online assessment created by Dr’s John and Julie Gottman. With 40+ years of extensive scientific research on what makes relationships succeed, the Gottman’s have created a Relationship Checkup tool to examine in detail the five key areas of relationship success, and under each category are related relationship goals examples.
The major categories of importance for a healthy relationship according to scientific Gottman-based research. (Also, relationship goals examples)
Section 1: How strong is your friendship and intimacy?
- We feel satisfied with our relationship.
- We feel secure in our commitment to one another, without the fear of abandonment or being left.
- We feel equally known by one another.
- We share a mutual fondness and admiration for one another.
- We show interest in one another and enjoy one another’s company.
- We enjoy a satisfying and romantic connection.
- We have satisfying sex and enjoy connecting sexually.
- We connect sexually at a frequency that works well for both of us.
- We feel a part of a team, united and do not suffer from loneliness.
Section 2: How does it feel to be in your relationship?
- We know what to predict from one another and we feel safe in our relationship.
- We share a mutual trust for one another and believe the other has our back.
- We are equally committed to our relationship.
- We are comfortable with one another’s emotions and have a shared desire to be a supportive comfort when one of us is not feeling emotionally or physically well.
Section 3: How well do you manage conflict?
- Our conflict is something we do not fear because we know we have the skills to manage whatever disagreements arise.
- We are capable of delaying conflicts interactions until we are in a safe and appropriate setting to properly address the concerns at hand.
- We feel respected and heard when we experience a disagreement. Neither of us feels overwhelmed or frozen with fear or the inability to think and speak, during a disagreement.
- We value one another’s opinions and believe that we are heard by one another.
- We are willing to compromise.
- We manage our negative emotions and protect our relationship from negativity toward ourselves and one another.
- When we experience a conflict, we find ways to understand one another and make peace with our differences of opinion. We are able to repair our connection and let the conflict go for good.
- We feel emotionally connected.
- We accept that stress is a part of life, and we support one another by seeking to make life easier for each other.
- We maintain healthy boundaries between our relationship and the relationships we share with friends, extended family, work and other relationships.
- We appreciate the importance of our mutual independence, and we do not place limits on one another that stems from insecurity.
- We are faithful and honest.
- We share basic values and goals.
- We are equitable with household chores and child responsibilities.
- We are in agreement with our financial decisions.
- We experience joy, laughter, and fun together.
- Our spirituality, religion and ethics are in alignment.
- We agree on issues related to parenthood.
- We manage distressing events as a team, supporting one another rather than turning against one another.
- We resolve issues rather than keeping them alive. We accept that some differences will remain, and we allow this rather than continue working to “change,” the other.
Section 4: Are you headed in the same direction?
- We have rituals that help us stay connected.
- We respect one another’s personal and life goals and desire to assist one another in reaching them, while also nurturing our shared goals.
Section 5: Individual Areas of Concern
- Neither of us abuse drugs or alcohol
- We are emotionally stable and free of any self-harming thoughts.
- We are safe with one another, both physically and emotionally.
- We feel a sense of personal freedom without the threat of emotional or physical threat or harm.
- We feel supported and encouraged, not degraded or criticized.
- Sex is a positive thing in our relationship.
- We do not experience any property damage when we disagree.
- We are physically healthy and free of chronic health concerns.
- We experience positive thoughts and feelings about one another and our relationship.
- We are confident in ourselves and secure that we are viewed positively and well by others.
- We are emotionally stable and at peace in our skin.
- We are free of anxiety, depression, and anger.
- We do not experience disabling fears or phobias.
- Fears and Phobias
- Do You Worry about What Others Think?
- Our thoughts are clear and helpful.
- We have normal appetites, neither over or under-eating.
- We fall asleep easily, sleep well, and awake easily in the morning.
- We are not focused on death or dying.
- We are free of guilt
How do you rate with these relationship goals examples and checklist? To do the thorough Relationship Checkup and receive a detailed report with suggestions about how to improve the health of your relationship go here.