There are many types of lesbians, what’s your lesbian style?
When asked, ” What kind of lesbian am I? , ” my answer is, “the kind that likes women.” I get it. It is human nature to seek order and understanding through labels and classification systems. Interestingly, most of the descriptions of types of lesbians related to gender expression, not sexual orientation.
Although, how often do you hear someone ask a heterosexual woman, “What type of heterosexual are you?” Really, waht are the different types of heterosexuals? Hmmmmm….?
What kind of lesbian are you?
Butch Lesbians: A butch lesbian refers to women with a masculine gender presentation.
Kiki lesbian: a lesbian with fiercely authentic self-expression (dress, behavior, attitude, beliefs, etc), despite (not in spite of), social norms and expectations. (Read how I am reclaiming this label in hopes of generating a positive stereotype for lesbians – this is the one I love the most).
Lipstick Lesbian / Femme Lesbian: This term refers to a lesbian who has a feminine gender presentation.
Soft Butch / Chapstick Lesbian / Androgynous: These terms refer to lesbians with a more neutral gender presentation that is neither butch (particularly masculine) nor femme (particularly feminine).
Stem Lesbian (stud-fem): A Stem is a lesbian stud (see definition) who is feminine in their presentation.
Stone-Butch: A transmasculine person or a lesbian with a masculine gender presentation who is interested in pleasing women sexual but does not desire sexual touch in return.
Stud: Stud is a term borrowed from the heterosexual community to indicate someone who has a way (sweet talk, win their affection, charm, etc.) with the ladies. Studs typically have a more masculine or butch gender presentation.
Other Terms Used to Describe Types of Lesbians
Baby-Dyke: a lesbian who has just come out is considered a “baby-dyke.” Age is not relevant, it is about the length of time you have been out as a lesbian.
Gold Star: Describes lesbians who have never had sex with a man.
Hasbian: Describe a lesbian who is now with men.
Lone Star: Describes lesbians who have only had sex with one man.
Lesbian Until Graduation (LUG): This refers to a woman who dates other women throughout college and after college is only with men or gets married to a man.
U-Haul Lesbians: This is a term used to describe a lesbian couple who moves in together quickly after starting to date. The joke goes like this, “What does a lesbian bring on a second date?” Answer: “A U-Haul.”
Pillow Princess: Someone who prefers to receive sexual stimulation rather than give.
Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D., that's me. Third-person "about me's" are too impersonal. It's like saying, "You are loved," when what I really mean is, "I love you." Relationships are my thing. Some would say, my obsession. While I only scored an 83.75% on my own "How Lesbian Are You" test, don't let that fool you. Since returning to school in the'90s for my MSW, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: help lesbian couples grow love. While my fantasy to be in the WNBA, and my dream of joining the Peace Corp, or my desire to have twelve children, has faded with time, my fixation on helping lesbians grow love remains. I am that person who has built her life around one thing: lesbian relationships. For fun, I do things like create online quiz's at asklesbians.com, to learn more about real lesbians. Or I write books. like, "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," to give couples an easy way to communicate. (Shameless plug - you can get this on Kindle on Amazon, as well as an app on Itunes /Google play). And, now that our boys are young men, my love, and my wife, Kristen, and I are growing lesbian love through Lesbian Couples Retreats throughout the U.S. in awesome destinations where our motto is, "love out loud" with Adventures in Love. You can learn more about those at lesbiancouples.co.