Strategy One for a Happy Lesbian Relationship: Accept Yourself
One of the most important ways to build a strong foundation for your relationship is self-acceptance. This is not limited to lesbian couples. It also applies to heterosexual couples, and mixed orientation couples, poly folks, and biracial couples. Having a strong happy relationship requires that both partners to the relationship nurture their most outstanding self. This begins with self-acceptance.
In non-traditional relationships, there is a higher potential for societal rejection, social disapproval and family or parental disappointment. Therefore, it is essential to accept yourself as a lesbian before you can expect others to accept this about you. We teach others how to treat us.
To be accepted, we must accept ourselves, our choices, and our relationship. Every choice you make that discounts your relationship will chip away at its integrity, one piece at a time. You cannot, for example, create a happy lesbian relationship if you are not comfortable in your lesbian skin.
If you don’t accept yourself and your attractions to members of the same-sex, then you are at a very high risk of eventually rejecting the one you love because he or she represents what you are not able to accept about yourself. As is true for other relationship configurations.
We cannot build a strong foundation of love on fear and self-loathing.
Building a happy relationship is a conscious effort. It doesn’t just happen. This does not mean it has to be work, or it has to be hard. Ideally, it will not be super hard, especially if you are smart. This Happy Relationship Series is designed to help you increase your Relationship IQ. Look for a new strategy, lesson, or concept every week.
Love is a given.
(***Note: Because I work with more lesbian couples than heterosexual couples, do not be fooled by my emphasis on lesbian relationships. I am speaking to all couples. It’s just that, rather than have lesbians adapt to hetero-focused language to fit their relationship, I am offering heterosexuals an opportunity to have fun with this process of substitution and adapting during this series, which my blog series: 52 Strategies to Build a Happy Lesbian Relationship.)
Love is not a strategy for a happy relationship, it is essential. Love is to a relationship what lungs are to a human body. If you expect to have a healthy human body, you assume it comes equipped with lungs. Love comes standardly with relationships. This is not something to learn, strive for or improve. It just is.
How you exercise love, the way you use love for good, and your ability to express your love, now that’s a whole other story. One we will explore over the upcoming weeks and months.
Whether you are a heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or mixed orientation couple, this information will speak to you. Relationships can vary greatly, yet some of the most essential ingredients to a happy relationship apply to all couples.
Cheers to building strong happy relationship building muscles!