Happy lesbian couples communicate feelings, observations and insights on a regular basis?
I recommend every lesbian couple set aside a minimum of thirty minutes each week to communicate feelings. I call this a “check-in.” This is a process where you consciously intend to share your feelings, observations and insights to one another. Though there is no “right” way to engage in this structured time to communicate your feelings.
Here are guidelines to help you be among the happy lesbian couples who communicate feelings:
- Summarize your feelings about how you experienced the previous week, and then communicate your feelings to your partner. For example, “I feel like we’ve had
a great week and I feel connected to you.”
- Communicate your observations — both the good and the frustrating —about how things unfolded. For example, “I noticed that we were both taking more time to talk together and I think that really helped me feel more connected to you.”
- Communicate your insights about how you can use this as information to continue improving your relationship. For example, “I think it would be a great idea for us really to commit to spending more time just talking because I really want to feel connected to you on a regular basis.”
Switch. Your Partner’s Turn Now. Once you complete steps 1-3, then your partner shares her observations. Similar to heterosexual couples, often lesbian couples have one partner who is more apt to communicate feelings with greater ease than the other. This is not a competition, and engaging in this structured process can help the partner who is less comfortable to communicate their thoughts and feelings do so with greater ease over time.
To wrap up your 3o minute check-in, discuss any differences in your observations. This check-in is simply designed to assist you in observing how you are doing as a couple, what you like about how things are going, and what you would like to see be different.
This time is NOT about the following:
- problem solving
- being defensive or sensitive
- criticizing or attacking
This exercise is designed to create a much more conscious relationship by being as aware as possible about the influences on your connection with one another and on your relationship’s happiness. Happy lesbian couples communicate feelings.