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lesbians in love

Lesbians in Love, or is it Friendship?

Michele O’Mara, PhD

On a sunny Friday afternoon, Amelia arrived ten minutes before her partner, Lucy, for their lesbian relationship coaching session.

While waiting for Lucy, Amelia tells me, “I think I’m falling out of love with Lucy.” She explains, “there’s no spark, no excitement left.” Then came the familiar words I’ve heard a hundred times before… “She feels more like a friend than a lover.”

And the band begins to play… You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips… You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, whoa, that lovin’ feeling…”

Lesbians in love are giving and receiving machines. Imagine your relationship is a merry-go-round, and the circular motion is what generates love as you take turns spinning, then riding, spinning (giving), then riding (receiving)

Lesbians in love know how to give and receive.

Love is an experience, something you generate.  It is the result of an action. Hence the term “Making Love!”

The amount of love you feel equals the love you give and receive. Love is much more than a feeling. Love is the outcome of doing something loving. To express love, you must first possess love. You’ve all heard the old saying, “You must love yourself before you can love another.” To give anything, you must have it to give.

When you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, chances are you’ve lost sight of your lovin’ behavior!

I asked Amelia, “When was the last time you behaved toward Lucy like a lover; the last time you interacted with her in a loving, passionate way?” “Hmmm,” she replied, “But I don’t FEEL loving, so how am I supposed to BE loving?”

Then Amelia asks, “Wouldn’t I be lying if I do loving things while questioning if I’m in love?”
I ask, “Is it a lie to work out if you don’t FEEL like exercising?” Quickly she replies, “If I waited until I wanted to work out, I might never work out!”

With a heavy sigh, she says, “Okay, I get where you’re going with this; to feel loving, I must be loving, not the other way around.”

I say, “Yes, if you behave in loving ways, you will feel more love.”Generating love requires action.

Start small. Notice what you appreciate about her. Name at least five things you are grateful for each day about her and your relationship. As you nurture thoughts of gratitude, you will start to feel more positive toward her.

Gratitude directs your attention to what feels good. As you gain more appreciation for her, you will remember why you like her and how much you value her. Gratitude makes it easier to express genuine acts of kindness and care from this new place of value. As you become kinder and more loving with her, you will feel the warm, positive feelings coursing through you.

Giving love feels good.

When Lucy arrived, she greeted Amelia with a hug and apologized for being late. Lucy smiled at Amelia with a hopeful look, and as we walked back to my office, I heard Amelia whisper to Lucy, “You look beautiful today.” With a surprised but pleased look, Lucy responded simply with, “I love you.” Though this was just the beginning, in that moment, love was in the Air. When you string enough of those moments together, you can get love back into your lives and hearts. As you both experience more and more love, there is more love to give; this is the merry-go-round of love.

Love is not something you have; it’s something you do.


HOW STRONG IS YOUR LOVE? Take the Lesbian Relationship Checkup to Learn How You Can Progress (click here).

 Or, join us for a Lesbian Adventures in Love Retreat (click here) where you will learn How to Unlock the 6 Lesbian Love Codes to Strengthen and Enrich Your Lesbian Relationship.


Take your lesbian relationship to a new level by joining us for our next Lesbian Adventures in Love Couples Retreat.

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