HELPING YOU REACH YOUR LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP GOALS

Once you complete an Adventure Retreat you automatically become a part of our Adventures Tribe, as well as your specific Retreat Tribe. Our tribes are analogous to a campground (very lesbian of us, eh?). The Adventures Tribe is like the campground and your Retreat Tribe is like your campsite.

Each Retreat Tribe is ecouraged to build on the rapid bonds that develop during your retreat in three ways:

1. Continued Group Communication through the private communication app

2. Post-Retreat Monthly Tribe Support Sessions (see more info below)

3. Reunion Retreats which allow couples to coordinate annual getaways with one another while adding additional skills to your relationship toolbox. (These will become more affordable as we grow, and the reunion retreats attract more couples).

 

The Adventures Tribe is for all retreat participants, and to encourage a community of happy lesbian couples we have an online private facebook group at www.lesbiancouples.club. You must attend a retreat to join this group.

 

POST-RETREAT BENEFITS

(click on the + for more information)

POST-RETREAT SUPPORT PACKAGES

Post-Retreat Power Debriefing 
(1) 85 min session $155 (save $50)

    • Summary Debriefing of Relationship
    • Strengths & Challenges
    • Post-retreat Suggestions for Continued Work
    • Personalized Relationship Plan of Action

Post-Retreat Reinforcement Packages
(3) 50 min sessions $350 (save $40)
3) 85 min sessions $555 (save $60)

    • Identify a plan of action to address relationship needs
    • Practice improved communication and deeper understanding
    • Update and celebrate the “story of us”

Post-Retreat Repair Packages |Stable Couples Looking for Reinforcement and Growth-Enhancing Strategies
(6) 50-minute sessions $665 (save $115)
(6) 85 min sessions $1045 (full payment)(save $185) or3 payments of $350(save $180)

    • Inventory of hurts and resentments in need of repair
    • Engage in repair work
    • Develop improved communication skills with difficult topics

Post-Retreat Uncoupling Package
(4) 85 min sessions $715 (save $105)
(4) 85 Min Sessions (2) monthly payments of $360 (save $100)

 

    • Affirm the formal agreement to uncouple and outline the tasks involved
    • Living arrangements, creating and sharing the narrative together, a division of assets, timelines
    • Establish deeper understanding and acceptance of the need for uncoupling
    • Establishing new identity, relationship with one another, and boundaries as a non-couple
    • Identify individual needs and formally release the relationship
POST-RETREAT MONTHLY TRIBE SUPPORT SESSIONS
    • Retreat-specific Check-in Sessions
    • The retreat-specific Support Sessions are designed to build on the community of couples you bonded with during your original retreat OBX19.
    • The support sessions occur monthly and last for 2-hours.
    • Sessions provide couples check-in time, as well as practice and learning opportunities to build on, and add to, retreat lessons.
    • Online meetings will be held on the zoom.us platform
    • A minimum of 4 couples is needed to create and maintain a Retreat-specific tribe.
    • Those interested will negotiate day/time for recurring monthly check-in meetings that are compatible with my availability too.
    • This will remain your home tribe no matter how many other retreats you attend unless you choose to join another tribe after attending a future retreat.
    • If a tribe loses a couple, the open space can be offered to a tribe-less couple from another retreat.
    • $95 / Month Per Couple (pay monthly, commit to 6 months at a time to foster continuity of topics and the stability/safety of the tribe)
    • EMAIL ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, and if enough couples are interested, we can begin negotiating the day/time.
$75 REFERRAL CREDITS
HOW IT WORKS
  • For every paid couple to a Customized Adventures in Love Retreat, you will receive a $75 credit toward our services.
  • There is no limit to the number of referral credits you can accumulate.
  • Credits must be used one year from the date the credit is activated.
  • Credits can be used toward a coaching session, a post-retreat couples’ package, or post-retreat support group tribe.

VALID REFERRALS REQUIRE

  • Email me the couple’s names if you have made a direct referral so that I am aware when they register to credityour account;
  • Or, have your referral enter your name on the registration form where it asks, “How did you hear about us?” This is the best way to get credit for any posts you might make in a large Facebook group, Reddit, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, Linked-in, etc.. or on other social media. You do not have to personally know someone to get credit for referring them. You just need to be sure they know to acknowledge that you’re the reason they knew to sign up! 
  • Your referral will count as long as it is not someone with whom I am already working or who already knows me and my work.
  • Once they have completed their retreat, your account on the client portal at omaratime.com will be credited $75 per referral.
  • If you belong to social media (or any other) groups that include a lot of lesbians, a simple post about your recent experience doing a couples retreat and anything great you might say about it, along with links for the upcoming retreats could generate questions and interest. If you post on a particular site/group, let me know when/where and if a couple registers giving credit to this group, I can inquire more specifically about what prompted them to sign up. If they saw your post, then you get credit!

 

 

OUR CURRENT STATUS

 

  • Three retreats completed: NE18, AUX19, and OBX19, with 13 lesbian couples and 26 total women
  • Three Retreat Tribes: #1 (NE18), #2 (AUX19), and #3 (OBX19)
  • Each tribe is connected through a private communication app
  • We have a closed Facebook group for retreat attendees to connect to other Adventurer’s at lesbiancouples.club
  • We have developed Post-Retreat Monthly Enrichment Sessions for couples seeking ongoing structured enrichment, healing, and support (see below)]
  • We created an Adventures gift store (www.lesbiangift.store)
  • Adventures Tribe member benefits include:
    • 1) discounted post-retreat coaching packages (see below) 
    • 2) a 10% discount on all future couples retreats (excluding reunion retreats which are only for repeat participants)
    • 3) $75 referral credits toward retreats, resources (to come), and coaching sessions for each couple you are responsible for motivating to complete a customized small-group retreat

Got Questions?

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THREE ESSENTIAL LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP GOALS

FOR LESBIAN COUPLES

 

Start your relationship on the right foot with these three essential lesbian relationship goals. Much of what we learn in relationships comes from trial and error. However, there are also some great strategies that you can intentionally practice to increase your odds of a happy and satisfying relationship. These three lesbian relationship goals will get you headed in the right direction.

1. Seek Security Within Before Expecting it From a Relationship

Security is the result of accurately predicting what to expect from your partner and responding effectively to that which you are not anticipating. You will know that you are secure in your relationship with yourself when you have faith that no matter what life brings you, you will be able to make the next right choice to move you into a better place. Sometimes we are unable to predict what our partner will do, say, think or how she will behave because many variables in life are out of control for both of us. An unexpected accident on the interstate could make her late coming home from work. A canceled flight could prevent her from making it back in time for your birthday party. The key to finding security within is to have generally accurate predictions about what you can expect from your partner, and to allow room for logical and believable explanations when your predictions are off, or to respond with confidence when explanations are not believable.

On the other hand, when there is a lack of security within your self and within your relationship, the confidence that you can predict what to expect is replaced by expectations, demands, and a need for her to be a certain way, and do and say certain things, in order for you to feel safe with her. When you approach relationships from this perspective, you will notice yourself feeling more reactive, panicky, worried and angry when things do not go as you want. 

The best way to improve your sense of security is to recognize what is your business, or “in your lane,” and what is not. The only thing in this life that you can control or influence is that which is in your lane. Byron Katie, the author of Loving What Is, says all things in life fall in one of three categories: your business (what you can control), my business (what I can control), and the business of the universe or God (what is not controlled by humans).  When you get good at recognizing what is “my business,” you will feel increasingly more secure in this world. Insecurity stems from trying to control the uncontrollable. 

 

2. Maintain Your Interests, Hobbies, and Friendships

Maintaining friendships (with the exception of your ex), hobbies and interests are the second of three essential lesbian relationship goals. Because security is one of the most important things to women (not just lesbians) in relationships, women will often trade their independence for a sense of security. When this happens, the differentiation of who I am, and who you are, begin to breakdown and lesbian couples begin to think and operate very similarly, even if it is not authentically how each of them feels. This is referred to as “fusion,” or “merging,” and one of the adverse side effects of this is that there is not enough distance between partners to create the feeling of longing or desire. 

At the start of a relationship, you have the opportunity to see your partner from a distance, with more objectivity and curiosity. She is someone you want to know better. You are literally drawn to her, eager to move closer, closing the gap that exists when we do not know someone well.  You see her in HER environrment, doing her thing, being who she is – separate from you. I call this the desire gap. The desire gap is created by the independence you express in your relationship that produces enough distance, but not too much, between partners to generate a desire and longing for closeness. 

The instinct for lesbians is to bond rapidly, commit quickly, settle in and nest with her new partner, and to stop nurturing self-interests, hobbies, and friendships that are not shared. In time, this begins to close the desire gap, leaving little to no distance necessary for desire and longing. There must be a “you,” and there must be a “her,” separately, for you to experience desire for one another. It is difficult to generate longing and desire for a “we.”

If you are already in a relationship and have allowed your interests to fall away, you can make a movement toward this lesbian relationship goal by slowly returning to your natural interests and nurturing your friendships and hobbies. While you may be met with some resistance, suspicion or even anxiety at first, the benefits to you and your relationship, in the long run, are worth the discomfort involved in getting to this point. 

 

3. Allowing Emotional Wiggle Room

The third of three essential lesbian relationship goals is allowing. I call this giving one another the emotional wiggle room to have feelings without having to process and rid oneself of them immediately. In my work with lesbian couples over the past two decades, I have noticed a recurring pattern of aversion to any form of negative emotion among lesbians, whether it is directed toward a partner or elsewhere. 

In the presence of strong negative emotions, lesbian partners will often respond in one of two ways:

1) efforts to minimize or fix the negative feelings by acquiescing to what she believes her partner wants; or defensiveness and;

2) personalization of the negative emotions that can result in an extended conflict, brooding by one partner, or a hard withdrawal by both partners.

None of these responses offers the partner with the original feelings the time or space to process her experience and allow her emotions to run their course, or the opportunity to be understood by her partner for how she is feeling.

Interestingly, commonly cited research, by John Gottman, reports that during fights gay and lesbian couples take things less personally than heterosexual couples. This is not consistent with my experience in working with lesbian couples for the past two decades. In fact, it is quite common for women in relationships with women to take very personally all of the comments made by her partner, and for the two of them to spend countless hours processing these hurt feelings. I am inclined to think that the sample of only 12 lesbian couples in Gottman’s study is not large enough to accurately describe the common lesbian relationship experience. 

Women are emotionally attuned to one another more intensely than other couple pairings that involve men (gay or heterosexual). While emotional awareness and attunement to one another is generally a very positive relationship characteristic, there are times when it can create obstacles and limit emotional wiggle room in the context of relationships. To strengthen your ability to allow your partner emotional wiggle room, begin to notice when you are responding to her mood and not her words. If you find yourself wanting to ask, “what’s wrong?” or to “fix” her mood by pleasing her, instead, extend an invitation to talk when and if she wishes to. You might say, “Seems like something’s on your mind. I’m here if you want to talk about it.” If she says, “I’m fine,” and her body language screams “My mouth is saying I am fine, but I am not fine,” it is important to honor her words and let her come to you if she decides to. Your anxiety will make this difficult. Tend to your own feelings in these moments instead of hers, and see what a difference that makes.

More article by Michele O’Mara, PhD, LCSW

How to make relationships work when you have no common interests

5 Common Issues for Lesbian Couples

How to learn what your relationship imago is

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❤️ Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D. is an expert lesbian relationship coach with a comfortable obsession with all things related to love and relationships between women. She is particularly fascinated by lesbian couples in blended families, issues of infidelity, lesbian sexuality, and recovery from lesbian breakups. She is the author of Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship, which is available in paperback or Kindle on Amazon, as well as an app on Itunes /Google play. Lastly, she and her wife Kristen host Lesbian Couples Retreats in various destinations, and you can learn more about those here.