Do you know and accept irresolvable issues in your relationship?
Well-known relationship researcher John Gottman, author of “The Relationship Cure” among other books, suggests that 69% of all relationship conflicts are irresolvable. The difference between couples who succeed and those who don’t is their ability to accept these differences without consistently butting heads.
My partner likes to keep all of the laundry in the house clean by washing clothes daily. I don’t find this necessary. Can she make me find this necessary? No. Can I make her find it unnecessary? No. This is an example of a situation that is unsolvable. I call it a “situation” or an “issue,” because it’s not a problem unless you believe you can change one another. It is the belief that you can change your partner, and get her to see things the way you do, that leads to a problem.
The sooner you accept the quirks and preferences that are not changeable, the more peace you’ll experience in your relationship.