Absolute Acceptance

My practice is built around the concept of ABSOLUTE ACCEPTANCE.  I believe that everyone who steps in my office (be that in person or online) is already exactly as he or she should be.  I think because of this philosophy, I attract a lot of couples (heterosexual couples, mixed orientation couples, polyamorous couples, open relationships, and other non-traditional couples) because there is no “wrong” way to be in a relationship.  There is only a way that works for the partners in the relationship, and a way that doesn’t work for the partners in a relationship.  My only goal in couples work is to be a resource to your relationship that can assist you in getting your individual and relationships met in a way that works for everyone.  I do not believe that I, nor anyone else, can tell you what those needs are, I can only help you get clear about where to put your energy and focus to create the changes you desire.

Thanks to the Law of Attraction, I do not believe that we will ever improve our condition by a concentrated focus on all that is wrong in our world.  When something feels bad, it is simply a signal to help guide us toward what feels good.  It is not the thing that makes us feel bad that deserves our focus, it is the the thing that deserves our gratitude for pointing us in the direction of our truest desires.  Behind every hurt or frustration is our desire.  The value in feeling bad is that it reminds us that what we are what you are thinking, doing and feeling is off track.  Our pain is our most valuable guide.  It is to be honored and released.  When you go the doctor and get a diagnosis of diabetes, you will likely leave the office with two papers.  One will tell you what the doctor diagnosed you with (and how much you owe for that visit), and the other will be a script for behavior change or insulin.  Holding on to pain is like taking the papers home, throwing away the script for change, and framing the diagnosis and hanging it on your wall.

For those of you familiar with the life coach and author, Byron Katie (Loving What Is), everything in this world is exactly as it should be.  You might be looking at something horrible, tragic, wrong, or even obviously and grossly unfair, and saying, “Are you out of your mind, Michele?”  And, what I say to that is, “Hey!  I didn’t say it, Byron Katie did.”

While I certainly do “specialize” in lesbian couples, and I actually did my dissertation on the topic of lesbian sex, I actually have a very traditional upbringing as it relates to marriage and family.  In fact, I am the only non-heterosexual among of my immediate and extended family that I am aware of.  There is that great aunt that seems a little suspect, though.  :)  Anyway, my point is, I come from a family that does not divorce.  Well, at least not many of us do.

 

Heterosexual couples

Heterosexual couples

Many people ask me if I work with heterosexual couples.  I often jokingly reply, “Of course! I don’t discriminate.”  It’s time I set the record, eh hem, straight:  I DO SEE HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES too!

As an Imago Certified therapist since 2005, and a Clinical Sexologist since 2012, I have enjoyed working with couples who present with a wide variety of concerns. Among some of the most common concerns are couples with the following issues:

  •    infidelity, emotional affairs, and outside attractions that affect the relationship
  •    conflicts regarding whether or not to have an open relationship or polyamorous relationship
  •    differing sex drives/libidos
  •    loss of sexual desire for one’s partner
  •    difficulty with communication
  •    resentment, anger, and “old issues” that were never addressed and continue to linger
  •    questions about wether or not to continue the relationship
  •    deciding whether or not to have a baby
  •    long-distance relationship issues, and adjustments when united in one city
  •    feelings of control, power discrepancies in relationship, and feeling under appreciated/frustrated
  •    pre-marital counseling to strengthen the relationship before marriage/commitment
  •    relationship dissolution, negotiating a break-up with compassion and kindness

A typical session is 85 minutes.  A combination of processing feelings, exercising new skills and tools taught in the session, and a lot of education are provided in sessions, and homework is not uncommon, which allows you to maximize the investment you are making in your relationship.

It is ideal to schedule therapy sessions at least every two weeks (no further apart) when you begin.  Typically, after roughly four to six sessions (two to three months) you will have gained enough new information and skills to begin lessening the frequency of your sessions.  Some couples prefer to come weekly and do so for many months.  Some prefer to come monthly and only come a few times.  Your experience and needs will depend entirely on the set of issues you bring to counseling, as well as your sense of urgency to resolve your concerns.