Five Key Areas of Relationship Success and Healthy Relationship Goals Examples

The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a 480 question, online assessment created by Dr’s John and Julie Gottman.  With 40+ years of extensive scientific research on what makes relationships succeed, the Gottman’s have created a Relationship Checkup tool to examine in detail the five key areas of relationship success, and under each category are related relationship goals examples.

The major categories of importance for a healthy relationship according to scientific Gottman-based research.  (Also, relationship goals examples)

Section 1: How strong is your friendship and intimacy?

• We feel satisfied with our relationship.
• We feel secure in our commitment to one another, without the fear of abandonment or being left.
• We feel equally known by one another.
• We share a mutual fondness and admiration for one another.
• We show interest in one another and enjoy one another’s company.
• We enjoy a satisfying and romantic connection.
• We have satisfying sex and enjoy connecting sexually.
• We connect sexually at a frequency that works well for both of us.
• We feel a part of a team, united and do not suffer from loneliness.

Section 2: How does it feel to be in your relationship?

• We know what to predict from one another and we feel safe in our relationship.
• We share a mutual trust for one another and believe the other has our back.
• We are equally committed to our relationship.
• We are comfortable with one another’s emotions and have a shared desire to be a supportive comfort when one of us is not feeling emotionally or physically well.

Section 3: How well do you manage conflict?

• Our conflict is something we do not fear because we know we have the skills to manage whatever disagreements arise.
• We are capable of delaying conflicts interactions until we are in a safe and appropriate setting to properly address the concerns at hand.
• We feel respected and heard when we experience a disagreement.  Neither of us feels overwhelmed or frozen with fear or the inability to think and speak, during a disagreement.
• We value one another’s opinions and believe that we are heard by one another.
• We are willing to compromise.
• We manage our negative emotions and protect our relationship from negativity toward ourselves and one another.
• When we experience a conflict, we find ways to understand one another and make peace with our differences of opinion.  We are able to repair our connection and let the conflict go for good.
• We feel emotionally connected.
• We accept that stress is a part of life, and we support one another by seeking to make life easier for each other.
• We maintain healthy boundaries between our relationship and the relationships we share with friends, extended family, work and other relationships.
• We appreciate the importance of our mutual independence, and we do not place limits on one another that stems from insecurity.
• We are faithful and honest.
• We share basic values and goals.
• We are equitable with household chores and child responsibilities.
• We are in agreement with our financial decisions.
• We experience joy, laughter, and fun together.
• Our spirituality, religion and ethics are in alignment.
• We agree on issues related to parenthood.
• We manage distressing events as a team, supporting one another rather than turning against one another.
• We resolve issues rather than keeping them alive.  We accept that some differences will remain, and we allow this rather than continue working to “change,” the other.

Section 4:  Are you headed in the same direction?

• We have rituals that help us stay connected.
• We respect one another’s personal and life goals and desire to assist one another in reaching them, while also nurturing our shared goals.

Section 5: Individual Areas of Concern

• Neither of us abuse drugs or alcohol
• We are emotionally stable and free of any self-harming thoughts.
• We are safe with one another, both physically and emotionally.
• We feel a sense of personal freedom without the threat of emotional or physical threat or harm.
• We feel supported and encouraged, not degraded or criticized.
• Sex is a positive thing in our relationship.
• We do not experience any property damage when we disagree.
• We are physically healthy and free of chronic health concerns.
• We experience positive thoughts and feelings about one another and our relationship.
• We are confident in ourselves and secure that we are viewed positively and well by others.
• We are emotionally stable and at peace in our skin.
• We are free of anxiety, depression, and anger.
• We do not experience disabling fears or phobias.
• Fears and Phobias
• Do You Worry about What Others Think?
• Our thoughts are clear and helpful.
• We have normal appetites, neither over or under-eating.
• We fall asleep easily, sleep well, and awake easily in the morning.
• We are not focused on death or dying.
• We are free of guilt

How do you rate with these relationship goals examples and checklist? To do the thorough Relationship Checkup and receive a detailed report with suggestions about how to improve the health of your relationship go here.