The Six Love Codes: What Thriving Lesbian Relationships Get Right

Every relationship runs on six core skills. Most couples are naturally strong in a few and still growing in others. The free Love Codes Quiz shows you which codes are carrying your relationship and which ones are quietly asking for a raise.

After nearly 30 years of working exclusively with couples, Michele O’Mara, PhD, LCSW, noticed that lesbian couples who thrive share six habits of the heart. She calls them the Love Codes. They’re simple to understand and very human to practice, which is why nearly every couple has a code or two that needs some attention.

Give Love

Giving is the motor of your relationship. Your relationship can only hold what at least one of you puts into it. The upside: love is the rare resource that grows when you spend it.
You might need this one if: you both keep a quiet ledger of who did more.

Receive Love

If giving is the motor, receiving is the fuel. Receiving takes an open heart and enough vulnerability to let love in without inspecting it for hidden fees. It’s how you say yes to love, no conditions, no doubt, no “oh, you didn’t have to.”
You might need this one if: compliments bounce off you like hail off a windshield.

Understand Love

Understanding means making sense of your partner’s feelings and behavior in a way that helps her feel known. It’s an emotional process, not a logical one, so it needs access to feelings, yours and hers. This is where intimacy grows and friendship lasts.

You might need this one if: your arguments turn into a debate about what really happened.

Protect Love

Protecting love means keeping it safe from harm. Both partners manage their emotions and hold healthy boundaries, so the relationship stays a safe place to be yourselves, even mid-disagreement.
You might need this one if: a tiny spark between you has a habit of becoming a wildfire.

Prioritize Love

Prioritizing love moves you from “me” to “we.” When you’re making decisions, spending free time, giving affection, or interpreting what your partner meant, your relationship gets first consideration.
You might need this one if: your partner gets whatever’s left after work, family, the dog, and the group chat.

Enjoy Love

Enjoying love means taking responsibility for joy. Playful, uplifting interactions, plus a little novelty and surprise, keep love feeling good instead of merely functional.

You might need this one if: your last date night included a membership card and a rotisserie chicken.

Which Love Codes Are Carrying Your Relationship?

Strengths in some codes and growth edges in others isn’t a flaw. It’s a map. The free Six Love Codes Quiz takes about [X] minutes and shows you where your relationship is already strong, which code could use some love, and practical ways to start strengthening it this week.

Better yet, take it separately and compare results. It’s cheaper than couples therapy and nearly as revealing.