Lesbian Couples Retreats Near Me | Boot Camp 101

Lesbian Couples Retreats Near Me | Boot Camp 101

Couples Retreats Near Me

Lesbian Couples Retreats Near Me

A global pandemic has forced most of us to spend greater amounts of time together at home. For some in relationships, this has been a much-needed opportunity to reconnect and rediscover the importance of time spent together. For others, the impact has highlighted some pre-existing challenges with communication, patience, and understanding.

At a time where large gatherings are not ideal, it is more important than ever to find resources to support your relationship. If you came across this site while searching for “Lesbian Couples Retreats Near Me,” you have stumbled across the perfect resource for lesbian partners with access to the internet and a device with a webcam (smartphone, tablet, desktop or laptop).

For more information about upcoming retreats, visit here.

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Access to Her Inner World with Open Communication | Couples Quickies #2

Access to Her Inner World with Open Communication | Couples Quickies #2

Do you have access to her inner world?

Open Communication vs. Closed Communication 

Couple’s Quickie #2

There are two types of communication: open-door and closed-door.

Open-door communication is a direct and vulnerable sharing of your feelings, which gives the listener access to your inner world.

Closed-door communication is a self-protective way to share feelings by using protective behaviors such as criticisms, making up stories, accusations, explanations, and defensiveness.

If your partner shares a feeling with you, she is giving you a glimpse inside a world to which only she holds the key. When she unlocks this door for you, it is a gift. The views into her inner world may not always reflect back to you what you wish to see.

The gift is not about what you find inside her inner world.

The gift is that you are trusted with access to her inner world.

Imagine your workload is doubled and you have to work twice as much for a temporary period of time. Likely, both you and your wife will have feelings about this situation. If you are committed to open-door communication, you will come to each other from a vulnerable place and express your feelings in a direct and genuine way.

Open-door communication might sound like: “I miss you. Lately, I have been feeling lonely since you’ve had to work more.”

Closed-door communication might sound like this: “You work too much. I feel like you don’t care that I am alone all of the time.”

While the closed-door message is coming from the same vulnerable source of pain, the delivery is harder to hear. She is letting you know there is something going on in her inner world, but she’s keeping the door shut by using criticisms, in an effort to protect herself.

If she says she feels something, then she feels something. Unfortunately, it is a common communication mistake to hear feelings as complaints, disappointments, and criticisms. For example, the first statement, “I miss you,” might be heard as a complaint or a criticism.  You may hear it as if you are doing something wrong. That you should be home more than you are. This interpretation of “I miss you,” will likely provoke defensiveness.

When you interpret her feelings as a complaint, you are more likely to respond with a closed-door, such as: “I have no choice. I have to work.” This response misses the feeling she is expressing. This is a closed-door response to open-door communication.

If you heard “I miss you,” as a validation of your importance to her, you might respond with more softness. An open-door response may be as simple as, “I miss you, too. I can’t wait for work to slow down. Thank you for sharing that you feel the same way I do.”

It is not sufficient to add the word “feel” to your statements. When you say, “I feel THAT you…” or, “I feel LIKE you….” these are not feelings. These are opinions, stories, accusations, or potential criticisms. To truly share your feelings, you must be the subject of what you are sharing, not your wife or partner. A feeling statement will include a feeling word… I feel __________ (feeling word).

Feelings are never wrong, though they do change. They are also not accusations or criticisms. Sometimes we don’t fully understand our own feelings and all of the factors that contribute to them. The very best way to respond to your partner’s feelings is with open-door communication.

If she opens the door, appreciate and take good care of the access she is giving you to her inner world.

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Access to Her Inner World with Open Communication | Couples Quickies #2

Ten Types of Relationship Betrayals | Couples Quickies #3

Infidelity is Not the Only Betrayal in Relationships

I have never understood the mindset that there is a game-winning or game-losing shot. This, to me, renders the entire rest of the game useless, and unimportant. If the star player has made a record breaking, 62 points in the game leading up to the final 3 seconds, the team is down by 2 and her final toss toward the basket misses, is she really responsible for the game-losing shot? I think not.

Nor do I think that one betrayal can make or break a relationship. Sure, it can complicate, undermine or greatly influence a relationship, but one isolated betrayal is not typically what leads to the demise of a relationship. Furthermore, just as a bad pass might lead to a missed catch in a basketball game, one betrayal might lead to another betrayal in relationships. 

We are all responsible for our part. Always. No matter what the game. Especially in relationships. 

Betrayals come in many forms. Though many people might disagree with me, I do not believe in a hierarchy of betrayals. A betrayal is a betrayal is a betrayal. 

  • Not showing up on time
  • Not making their partner a priority
  • Not being there when their partner is hurting or sick
  • Not contributing to the well-being of the family (me rather than we)
  • Not keeping promises
  • Keeping secrets
  • Lying
  • Humiliating or putting down partner in public or private
  • Committing an act of emotional or physical infidelity
  • Being physically violent

Relationships are fluid. They are strengthened one choice at a time, and they are weakened one choice at a time. There are no make or break moments in a relationship, there is always a gradual movement toward better or toward worse. Take notice of the entire dance, not just the last few steps. T

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Lesbian Couples Quickies: Validation, Not Education

Lesbian Couples Quickies: Validation, Not Education

LESBIAN COUPLES QUICKIES:  VALIDATION, NOT EDUCATION

Couples Quickies #1

When your girl expresses a concern, need or frustration in her life (not about you), do not mistake this as her request for you to fix the situation, or fix her. If you are someone who often responds by telling her what you think, and what she should do, this quickie is especially for you.

In general, when we are hurting and we go to our spouse / partner with a painful situation, we are not asking for solutions, we are asking for support. We want to feel less alone with our pain. Often, we just want reassurance that we are okay.

lesbian couples, validation, validate, listen

Here’s a roadmap for those of you who are unsure how this might sound:

Let her talk. Don’t interrupt. Keep your questions to a minimum.

 

1. Let her know you’ve heard her.

“It sounds like … <repeat the highlights that you heard her share so she knows you were listening – don’t add your opinions or thoughts, just reflect back to her what you heard>”
 

2. Validate her feelings.

Let her know that when you look at the situation the way she’s looking at it (not the way you are), her feelings make sense (even if you disagree).

“Based on how you’ve described things, it makes sense that you feel <insert how she says she is feeling>, because <insert meaningful points she has shared that let her know that you were listening and validate why she’s feeling the way she is>…
 

3. Reassure her. 

Remind her that you are here for her. Reinforce that you are a safe person for her to talk with when she is struggling, and that even if you see things differently, your ultimate goal is to be a safe and supportive person for her to talk to.
 

“I see this situation a little differently than you do, but what matters to me the most is how I can be here for you, and make you feel supported.”

4. Inquire if she wants your perspective.

 

“Would you like to know my thoughts about this, or is it best for me to just listen?”

5. Share with her consent.

IF she says she wants your perspective, THEN, and only THEN, share your perspective.

 

“How I see this situation is … “

Focus more on understanding, less on being “right.” Remember, she has come to you to feel better, not worse.

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Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex: What do gay women like?

Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex: What do gay women like?

Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex:  What do lesbians like most?

Of all the various sexual actvities between women, scissoring seems to get the most attention. It is increasingly visible in movies such as Blue Is the Warmest Color, Handmaiden, and Orange is the New Black.  It would be natural to assume that this is a regular sexual activity of lesbians, given the coverage it has been receiving on screen.

In an effort to see if the media representation of lesbian scissoring is accurate, we created a survey of 130 female-identified women who report attraction to women, 12 sexual activities (listed below) were ranked in order of  satisfaction, frequency, and displeasure.

The following lesbian sexual activities were included in the survey:  Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger, Oral Sex (Receiving), Oral Sex (Giving), Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy, Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger, Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy, Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body), Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand, Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time), Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time), Anal Sex (Receiving), and Anal Sex (Giving).

The verdict is in:  lesbian scissoring is not a preferred sexual activity of most lesbians.

Here’s what we learned about the most preferred lesbian sex.

The top MOST SATISFYING LESBIAN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES (as defined by either leading to orgasm or if non-orgasmic, providing maximum pleasure) are:

  • Clitoral stimulation by partner’s hand (67%)
  • Receiving oral sex (64%)
  • Clitoral stimulation by vibrator or toy (55%)
  • Penetrative stimulation by partners hand or fingers (54%)

The top four sexual activities MOST FREQUENTLY engaged in by lesbians are:

  • Clitoral stimulation by partner’s hand (76%)
  • Penetrative stimulation by partner’s hand or fingers (71%)
  • Giving oral sex (68%)
  • Receiving oral sex (60%)

The LEAST ENJOYED sexual activity by lesbians are:

  • receiving anal sex (70%)
  • giving anal sex (58%)
  • lesbian scissoring (33%)

The following survey results are provided for those seeking detailed information about the responses.

Most Satisfying Lesbian Sexual Activities

lesbian scissoring

  • 67% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 64% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 55% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 54% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 39% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 31% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 28% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 25% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 21% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 15% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 8% Anal Sex (Receiving)
  • 6% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • 4% Other – oral breast stimulation

Sexual Behaviors that Lesbians Report Almost Always Engaging In

  • 75% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 70% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 69% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 68% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 60% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 55% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 36% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 20% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 10% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 6% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 6% Anal Sex (Receiving)
  • 5% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • OTHER activities noted in the blank text box:
    • Oral stimulation to the breast by a partner (which was an oversight, and meant to be included with “by hand”)
    • Spanking, slapping, and fisting
    • Kissing
    • Oral stimulation all over the body
    • Massage
    • Nibbles

Sexual Activity that Lesbians Report Engaging in Occasionally, but not Regularly

  • 46% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 38% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 34% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 32% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 28% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 25% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 22% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 19% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 18% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 18% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • 16% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 14% Anal Sex (Receiving)

Sexual Activity that Lesbians Report They Do Not Enjoy

  • 10% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 10% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 15% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 12% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 8% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 33% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 5% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 19% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 10% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 58% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • 5% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 69% Anal Sex (Receiving)
  • 10% Report NO dislikes

The age of survey respondents

 

Self Identify 

Percentage of Participants Who Experience Orgasm

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10 Lesbian Couple Goals for Happy Lesbian Relationships

10 Lesbian Couple Goals for Happy Lesbian Relationships

10 Happy Lesbian Couple Goals

 

Do you know the top 10  Lesbian Couple Goals to strive for in your relationship?

Whether you are in your first lesbian relationship or the same one you’ve been in for the past decade, this list of 10 habits of happy lesbian couples will inspire you to do better.

As you learn more about these 10 lesbian couple goals, whether or not you are looking at these characteristics through the lens of what SHE needs to do more of, or whether or not you are considering whether or not you show up with the behaviors needed for a deliriously happy relationship.

We all have a deep-seated hope that when we get in a relationship, we will automatically be much happier.  Unfortunately, the 10 lesbian couple goals listed in this video do not come automatically installed in our new relationship. The only thing any of us can count on is that when we get in a relationship, we can change our status from single to partnered.  Other than this new label, you’ve gained nothing more until one, or both of you, start making meaningful contributions to this shared investment called your “relationship.”

To experience the happiness of those who work to attain these 10 lesbian couple goals, challenge yourself to pick the one that you currently need the most help with, and focus on improving just that one goal.

Keep in mind, relationship do not take care of themselves, people do.

Cheers to deliriously happy lesbian relationships. I hope you are inspired by this list of lesbian couple goals, and you have much success in your efforts to move toward them.

 

 

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