Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex: What do gay women like?

Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex: What do gay women like?

Lesbian Scissoring, Tribadism, or Oral Sex:  What do lesbians like most?

Of all the various sexual actvities between women, scissoring seems to get the most attention. It is increasingly visible in movies such as Blue Is the Warmest Color, Handmaiden, and Orange is the New Black.  It would be natural to assume that this is a regular sexual activity of lesbians, given the coverage it has been receiving on screen.

In an effort to see if the media representation of lesbian scissoring is accurate, we created a survey of 130 female-identified women who report attraction to women, 12 sexual activities (listed below) were ranked in order of  satisfaction, frequency, and displeasure.

The following lesbian sexual activities were included in the survey:  Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger, Oral Sex (Receiving), Oral Sex (Giving), Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy, Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger, Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy, Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body), Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand, Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time), Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time), Anal Sex (Receiving), and Anal Sex (Giving).

The verdict is in:  lesbian scissoring is not a preferred sexual activity of most lesbians.

Here’s what we learned about the most preferred lesbian sex.

The top MOST SATISFYING LESBIAN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES (as defined by either leading to orgasm or if non-orgasmic, providing maximum pleasure) are:

  • Clitoral stimulation by partner’s hand (67%)
  • Receiving oral sex (64%)
  • Clitoral stimulation by vibrator or toy (55%)
  • Penetrative stimulation by partners hand or fingers (54%)

The top four sexual activities MOST FREQUENTLY engaged in by lesbians are:

  • Clitoral stimulation by partner’s hand (76%)
  • Penetrative stimulation by partner’s hand or fingers (71%)
  • Giving oral sex (68%)
  • Receiving oral sex (60%)

The LEAST ENJOYED sexual activity by lesbians are:

  • receiving anal sex (70%)
  • giving anal sex (58%)
  • lesbian scissoring (33%)

The following survey results are provided for those seeking detailed information about the responses.

Most Satisfying Lesbian Sexual Activities

lesbian scissoring

  • 67% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 64% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 55% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 54% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 39% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 31% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 28% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 25% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 21% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 15% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 8% Anal Sex (Receiving)
  • 6% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • 4% Other – oral breast stimulation

Sexual Behaviors that Lesbians Report Almost Always Engaging In

  • 75% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 70% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 69% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 68% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 60% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 55% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 36% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 20% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 10% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 6% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 6% Anal Sex (Receiving)
  • 5% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • OTHER activities noted in the blank text box:
    • Oral stimulation to the breast by a partner (which was an oversight, and meant to be included with “by hand”)
    • Spanking, slapping, and fisting
    • Kissing
    • Oral stimulation all over the body
    • Massage
    • Nibbles

Sexual Activity that Lesbians Report Engaging in Occasionally, but not Regularly

  • 46% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 38% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 34% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 32% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 28% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 25% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 22% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 19% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 18% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 18% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • 16% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 14% Anal Sex (Receiving)

Sexual Activity that Lesbians Report They Do Not Enjoy

  • 10% Clitoral Stimulation by Vibrator  or Toy
  • 10% Penetrative Stimulation by Vibrator or other Toy
  • 15% Mutual Masturbation (we pleasure ourselves at the same time)
  • 12% Tribadism (stimulating clitoris by rubbing it against some part of your partner’s body)
  • 8% Oral Sex (Receiving)
  • 33% Scissoring (mutual stimulation of clitoris against partner’s clitoris at the same time)
  • 5% Oral Sex (Giving)
  • 19% Penetrative Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or Finger
  • 10% Breast Stimulation by partner’s hand
  • 58% Anal Sex (Giving)
  • 5% Clitoral Stimulation by Partner’s Hand or finger
  • 69% Anal Sex (Receiving)
  • 10% Report NO dislikes

The age of survey respondents

 

Self Identify 

Percentage of Participants Who Experience Orgasm

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ABOUT Michele O’Mara, LCSW, Ph.D.

Relationships are my thing. Some would say, my obsession. While I only scored an 83.75% on my own "How Lesbian Are You" test,  don't let that fool you. Since returning to school in the '90s for my MSW, I knew exactly what I wanted to do: help lesbian couples grow love. 

I am that person who has built her life around one thing: lesbian relationships and women loving women. For fun, I do things like create online quizzes at asklesbians.com, to learn more about real lesbians. Or I write books. like, "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," to give couples an easy way to communicate. (www.1000question.app) And, now that our boys are young men, my love, and my wife, Kristen, and I are growing lesbian love through Lesbian Couples Retreats and The Lesbian Roadshow throughout the U.S. in awesome destinations where our motto is, "love out loud" with Adventures in Love.  You can learn more about those at lesbiancouples.co.

10 Lesbian Couple Goals for Happy Lesbian Relationships

10 Lesbian Couple Goals for Happy Lesbian Relationships

10 Happy Lesbian Couple Goals

 

Do you know the top 10  Lesbian Couple Goals to strive for in your relationship?

Whether you are in your first lesbian relationship or the same one you’ve been in for the past decade, this list of 10 habits of happy lesbian couples will inspire you to do better.

As you learn more about these 10 lesbian couple goals, whether or not you are looking at these characteristics through the lens of what SHE needs to do more of, or whether or not you are considering whether or not you show up with the behaviors needed for a deliriously happy relationship.

We all have a deep-seated hope that when we get in a relationship, we will automatically be much happier.  Unfortunately, the 10 lesbian couple goals listed in this video do not come automatically installed in our new relationship. The only thing any of us can count on is that when we get in a relationship, we can change our status from single to partnered.  Other than this new label, you’ve gained nothing more until one, or both of you, start making meaningful contributions to this shared investment called your “relationship.”

To experience the happiness of those who work to attain these 10 lesbian couple goals, challenge yourself to pick the one that you currently need the most help with, and focus on improving just that one goal.

Keep in mind, relationship do not take care of themselves, people do.

Cheers to deliriously happy lesbian relationships. I hope you are inspired by this list of lesbian couple goals, and you have much success in your efforts to move toward them.

 

 

Here are some more good reads for you:

 

 

Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples for Five Common Issues

Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples for Five Common Issues

Relationship advice for lesbian couples

Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples

Lesbian couples are different in many ways from their heterosexual and gay male couple peers. However, lesbian couples are not particularly different from one another. There are some very common issues among female pairings, and I will be offering Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples for five of the most common issues.

Despite the endless stereotyping about what a lesbian is, women who love women are impressively diverse. If you find yourself doubting that, it’s because those who don’t meet the stereotype of a lesbian go unnoticed. When it comes to lesbian relationships, however, we are remarkably similar in the types of issues we experience.

Unlike heterosexual women, lesbians do not have easy access to information about what a typical lesbian relationship looks like. Rare is the lesbian who finds herself in the break room at work, sharing stories about her wife and their relationship. Additionally, the experiences that heterosexual women describe are often not relatable for lesbians. For example, how many heterosexual women do you hear expressing concern that her husband is best friends with the girlfriend he had before he married her? Or, how often have you heard a heterosexual woman express concern that her husband is constantly trying to read her mind and worries non-stop about whether or she’s feeling okay?

So, here’s today’s Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples. Rather than putting our focus on the common relationship problems, however, we will get right to the fixes for these issues. After all, we move in the direction we think — so let’s think solutions.

#1 Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples: Allow Your Partner to Feel

It is okay if she is experiencing sadness, hurt, frustration or any other emotion that you find yourself wanting to fix or understand. As long as emotions are not used to communicate something (that’s good old fashioned passive-aggressiveness), let her feel what she feels without making it about you. The purpose of our emotions is to alert us to that which is joyful, dangerous, missing, violating, or any other situation that requires our attention. When you personalize how she is feeling, you interrupt an important and necessary process designed to help her clarify things for herself. Communicate with words and behaviors. Feelings are not a verb. We don’t anger. We express anger. Clarify what you are feeling. Then communicate with words or actions.

#2 Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples: Facts are Your Friends, Stories Not so Much

I am sure you have a superpower. It’s just not mind reading. Trust me on this. When you are certain you know what she is thinking, feeling, wanting or not wanting, fact check. Believe her if she says you are misunderstanding her, or that what you are perceiving is wrong. They are her thoughts and feelings, so she really does have the final say about what is true for her. Even if she changes her mind later, believe her now. Focus on your feelings and thoughts, share those, and let her do the same when she’s ready.

 

#3 Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples: Keep Your Friends, Not Your Exes

Independence is the first thing to go in lesbian relationships. If you want your new relationship to be your best, invest yourself fully and cut your emotional ties with your ex.

#4 Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples: Forgive

If you are holding on to resentments that occurred more than one year ago, they have officially expired. Holding on to hurt as a way to protect yourself causes more hurt than good. If you are choosing this relationship, then you are choosing all of it, not just the parts that feel good. Deal with old hurts and resentments then let them go.

#5 Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples: Flirt with her

My research tells us that lesbians want to be having more sex with their partner, but a lot of women do not want to initiate it. In the quest to commit, dating, flirting, romancing and all the good stuff gets rushed and sometimes neglected altogether. Time to go old school on your gal. Romance her. Flirt. Let her know you desire her. So get out your pretties, your boyfriend briefs, boxers or whatever does the trick for her and show some interest.

 

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