11 Erogenous Zones – Tips for Lesbian Sex

11 Erogenous Zones – Tips for Lesbian Sex

Tips for Lesbian Sex: 11 Erogenous Zones for Women that Every Lesbian Couple Must Explore

If you are a lesbian couple interested in tips for lesbian sex, or simply sexually active with a woman, this information about erogenous zones is a must read for you. Let’s start by explaining, what is an Erogenous zone?  This is simply a highly sensitive area of the body that, when touched or stimulated, will excite sexual feelings for the person being touched.

These areas, also called erotogenic zones, tend to have a high concentration of nerve endings which link to key pleasure regions in the brain and the genitals.  While there are areas of the body that are typically universally more sensitive for everyone, not all people experience “sensitivity” as pleasurable, thus you will need to explore and experiment and pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal feedback you receive during this sensual expedition.  Don’t be shy about asking what she likes, too!

When it comes to tips for lesbian sex, understanding the highly concentrated pleasure-sensitive nerve endings, the clitoris is the winner, hands down.  In fact, the clitoris is so fascinating, I plan to write an entire post about this little chickpea next, so we will not discuss this obvious pleasure center today.  While there are definitely more than eleven key erogenous zones for women, these are the ones I suggest you start with.

The power of these non-genital pleasure centers is that when activated, these large clusters of nerve endings will often communicate their happiness to both the brain and the genital region while stimulating pelvic contractions.  Pelvic contractions heighten sexual tension and are necessary for arousal and orgasm, and when you are able to build strong contractions during foreplay, you are ultimately able to help your partner experience a more powerful orgasm.

Starting from the top (as in the scalp), the following tips for lesbian sex will cover the eleven areas are worth paying special attention to as you venture into the land of foreplay.


    • The scalp has a lot of sensation and when you lightly scratch, rub or massage the scalp, you can activate pleasurable sensations. Scalp massages release the stress hormone oxytocin, often called the “love hormone.” The scalp has plenty of nerve endings and a good massage can get your blood flowing and enhance relaxation – a great antidote for tension and anxiety which greatly impede satisfying sexual experiences.


    • Ears are full of nerve endings, and areas worth paying particular attention to are a soft touch or kisses to the outer edge of the ear, as well as behind the ears.


    • The skin surrounding the edge of the mouth, where you would outline your lips with a lip pencil (should you fancy yourself a lipstick lesbian) is very sensitive. We have the buccal nerve to thank for this. Use the tip of your tongue to trace the edge of her upper lip, lightly, and see if she enjoys this sensation.


    • The entire neck is sensitive and likely feels good with a soft touch.  However, the area between your jawline and shoulders is a strong erogenous zone.


    • The area between your shoulders, particularly the small dip where the neck connects with the collarbone, is very sensitive. In the dip, there is little fatty tissue covering the nerves, thus it is more pleasure-sensitive.
    • A light touch with your fingertips from one shoulder to the other, pausing in the small dips of your collarbone, to circle this extra sensitive area, may feel very arousing to her.

Nipple and Breast stimulation 

    • Breasts are very sensitive for many women, and spending time slowly exploring (with your fingers, cheek, mouth, tongue, and lips) the entire breast, circling the nipple, and building a desire to have her nipple touched, can be a sensory treat for your partner.
    • Nipple stimulation activates a part of the brain called the genital sensory cortex, which is the same area activated by vaginal, clitoral and cervical stimulation. This creates a direct connection between the nipples and the genitals, which assists some women in having an orgasm through nipple stimulation alone.

Rib Cage to Hips

    • Move your fingertips, or lips, with enough pressure to avoid tickling, from the bottom of the rib cage to the hips and you will reflexively cause the pelvic-floor muscles to contract which increases arousal. The pelvic floor is key to a strong orgasm, so when you can get the attention of her pelvic floor, you are on the right track.

Belly Button

    • The belly button for some women is very sensitive and has a direct link to the clitoris. Neurologically, the belly button and the clitoris grew from the same tissue at birth, so they are neurologically connected.
    • If touching or licking the belly button is too intense, or not pleasurable, try moving a couple of inches south (three finger-widths), and caress or even press on this area, known as the “sea of energy.”  Doing so is said to increase blood flow and release tension, both of which contribute to a stronger orgasm.

Small of back

    • The vertebrae in the small of the back contain sacral nerves, which conveniently connect directly with the genitals.
    • A gentle massage, kisses, soft stimulation, or in some women a karate chop to the small of her back (hey, whatever works), can assist in stimulating pelvic contractions.


    • Running through our legs is the ilioinguinal nerve which, when stimulated, also has a desirable effect on pelvic contractions.
    • Try massaging the length of her legs, from her upper thighs down to her ankles, with special focus on the inside of her thighs (this is one of the must-explore erogenous zones for women) with the soft touch of your fingertips, or a gentle  pressure with the flat of your hand – depending on her response, starting at her knees and moving downward and back up again – repeating this for a while.


    • It has been discovered that the clitoris is located next to the toes in the female sensory cortex.  It is believed that when the toes are stimulated, there is an erotic benefit in the female sensory cortex because of the arousal signals are received in a location in the cortex right next to the location the signals coming in from the clitoris are received.


If you are reading this article because you are a lesbian couple who is concerned about your sex life, you are smart to be doing something – anything, toward gaining tips for lesbian sex.  Here is another article you might enjoy on tips for lesbian foreplay.  lesbian foreplay, tips for lesbian sex


There are a lot of differences between male-female and female-female sex lives that go beyond the obvious.  If you are serious about turning your sex life around, consider attending one of my workshops, or do some online lesbian couples coaching or counseling with me.  Click here to schedule on my online calendar.


erogenous zones for women, lesbian couple, tips for lesbian sex

Foreplay Lesbian Style:  Part 1 of 2

Foreplay Lesbian Style: Part 1 of 2

 I don’t hear much talk about foreplay lesbian style


I’ve certainly heard my share of people ask, “How do lesbians have sex?” And, I know there is plenty of interest in lesbian sex advice and tips for lesbian sex, but I can’t recall one question, ever, about lesbian foreplay, or advice for better foreplay, etc.

Typically, people tend to think of foreplay as the activities leading up to “intercourse,” which, of course, is defined as the whole penis-in-the-vagina thing.  It makes sense that this definition is not functional for lesbian foreplay.

Defining Lesbian Foreplay

I wonder if this stems from the confusion about what lesbian sex is.  Do you think that lesbian sex and foreplay are often considered the same thing???  I hope not.  And, to be sure, I’m going to write about it today.  Here’s my definition of foreplay: the intentional pursuit of sexual and romantic excitement and pleasure without the immediate goal of an orgasm.  Play is the focal point; the best part of the word foreplay.  Play is simply any activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.  Foreplay is essentially, for-play, something done simply for enjoyment.

lesbian foreplay

Double Your Pleasure

When you take time to play, before you engage the pursuit of an orgasm, you can double your pleasure.  Not only are you multiplying the number of enjoyable sensations you experience through intimate touch during foreplay, but you are likely to also experience a much stronger and more satisfying orgasm when that time arrives.  And, who doesn’t want that?  Lesbian foreplay is a process of discovery, and there is no “right” way to go about this, there is only the way that works best for her.  The fun part is in the discovery.

Do you know where the most sensitive and pleasing (non-genital) area is on your lover’s body?  There is no universal answer.  What is arousing to one lover may be annoying to another. If not, I think you’ll find this article worth reading.

Embrace Vulnerability

Interestingly, foreplay lesbian style often involves a higher level of vulnerability than the task-oriented business of genital stimulation.  Foreplay is like bringing together different instruments and making up music as you go.  There is no particular goal or destination, it is a process.  With foreplay lesbian style, we are exploring, experimenting, testing, tempting, toying, enticing, inviting, pausing, allowing, withholding, and slowly, playfully, enjoyably, building the sexual tension to heights that can no longer be tolerated. Sometimes we try things that don’t go well.  Sometimes we create awkward situations and maybe even make a mess if you involve food or oils, etc.  It doesn’t matter.  It is all a part of the perfect imperfection of learning to love and be loved a little bit better each time you venture into this wonderful land of lesbian foreplay.

If you are enjoying the experience, you are on the right track.  It is a real turn-on to have a partner who sees your body as a source of great pleasure for her.  Get out of your mind, and into your body – feel your way through this experience and stay present to how her body is responding to your touch, and how your body feels with her touches.  If it feels good to you as you are touching her, it is likely to also feel good to her. Foreplay lesbian style is about synchronizing yourself with your partner, finding a rhythm and flow that works for both of you.

Though making love can occur in many different ways, most of which are not even sexual in nature, like expressing kindness, curiosity, understanding, compassion, and everyday care for our partner.  Foreplay is touching, talking, and interacting that precedes direct genital stimulation or other activities typically involved in the pursuit of an orgasm.  Making love actually starts long before you enter the bedroom (or other love-making destination).

Pre- Foreplay

A clever spin on the word foreplay is chore-play, which highlights the importance of pleasing your partner in non-sexual ways (like doing chores) to create the mood.  One of the challenges for lesbians is in the initiation of intimacy, and the sooner you get started – say when you wake up, the better!

  • Flattering.  Lesbian foreplay can start with words.  The more flattering, the better.  You look sexy in those jeans.  I love the way that shirt hugs your breasts.  I love how your face looks without makeup – you’re so naturally beautiful.  Say the kind things that naturally cross your mind.  Flatter her.
  • Flirtation. Wink.  Smile.  Ask her to dance while you’re cooking with her in the kitchen.  Makeup songs about her and sing them to her.  Tickle, play, wrestle, or rough house with her (unless that makes her mad… it can have an undesired effect on some women).
  • Have fun.  Make her laugh.  Be silly, spontaneous, joyful, and playful.  Roleplay, pretend you are strangers just meeting.
  • Nurture her.  Comb her hair.  Give her a massage.  Bathe each other.

Consider the 5 Senses

When you think about stimulating your partner, consider the senses that she enjoys most.  Is she moved by music, excited by new tastes, moaning for more touch when you give her affection, delighting in your scent or the smell of a new candle, or is she drawn to the aesthetics of things, noticing color, shape, and design?  Notice what lights up her senses and explore new ways to introduce her to a new sensation.

  1. Sight:  blindfolding will enhance all other senses, leave an erotic letter for your partner to find and read during her day, extended eye contact – gazing, not staring, send sensual pics of yourself to her, dress in ways that highlight the parts of your body that turn her on
  2. Sounds: read to each other, heavy breathing, moans, sighs, mood-setting music, whisper in her ear
  3. Smell: fresh shower/bath smell, candles, lotions, perfumes, natural scent, fresh breath, know what your partner likes,  Ylang Ylang, Jasmine and Sandalwood are all well known for setting the mood and stimulating our sex drive,
  4. Touch:  kitchen dancing, textiles, satins, cotton, silks, latex, (temperature – hot breath against the skin, an ice cube melting in mouth while kissing a sensitive body part),  sensual bath, wash each other.
  5. Taste:  cooking together, intimate meal, food, feeding each other, lip gloss.

Read part-2 on “The 11 Erogenous Zones from Her Head to Her Toes (literally).”

If your lesbian sex life has fallen off the grid, which sometimes happens, one of the first things to try is just doing it.  Literally, just restart.  If you are struggling with feeling like she’s more like a sister than a lover, or you feel like your resentments grown too high, or perhaps you’ve experienced trust issues that leave you feeling too hurt to be that vulnerable, you may want to consider attending my Lesbian Couples Workshop for a jump-start on your relationship.

Lesbian Couples Workshop – September 23-24

Lesbian Couples Workshop – September 23-24

lesbian couples workshop

September 23-24, 2017 (SAT 1:00pm-6:00pm, SUN 9:00am – 5:30pm)


What is the Lesbian Couples Workshop?

As a Certified Imago Therapist, Michele O’Mara has created a unique blend of all that is amazing about the Getting the Love You Want Imago Therapy weekend, with specific skills, resources, information and exercises designed specially for same-sex couples.  The Lesbian Couples Workshop is an incredible opportunity for same-sex couples from across the United States to spend a weekend intentionally focused on creating (or improving) an OUTstanding relationship! The weekend is a unique blend of education (concrete skills, and information about improving your relationship), processing (discussion of the new skills and information shared), and exercises (done privately with your own partner – not in front of the group).


REGISTER at least 30 days prior to the weekend to save $100




What Can I expect to gain from the Lesbian Couples Workshop?

  • Learn the 10 essential ingredients of an OUTstandingrelationship and how to apply them to your relationship
  • Learn new skills to improve your communication and connection with your partner
  • Participate in your own in-depth relationship review
  • Create a personalized relationship improvement plan
  • A fun weekend spent with other same-sex couples in a comfortable setti

Will we have to talk about our personal issues in front of other couples?

There will be opportunities for couples to volunteer to role-play a skill, but your level of disclosure about your relationship is entirely up to you. You do not have to share anything about your relationship with the other couples that you do not want to.  I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that your benefit directly correlates to your sharing, howwwwwever, the choice remains yours.

lesbian couples, lesbian relationship workshop

What kind of couples will be there?

The Lesbian Couples Workshop is open to gay and lesbian couples. This is a great resource for any couple. You may already have a strong relationship and use The Weekend as a way to tune-in to and tune-up your relationship, or you may be struggling to find your way back to each other. There will be a mixture of couples – some functioning better than others, but all with a desire to improve their relationship!



Can you describe what The Weekend will be like once we are there?

We will convene in a meeting room around a large table that is casual, intimate and functional. There will be breaks to stretch and snack (beverages/snacks provided).

There will be a blend of education (lectures), process (discussion about what we are learning as it applies to your relationship), and exercises. All exercises are done privately with your partner, separate from the group. Michele O’Mara will observe each couple doing their exercises and be available to guide and support your individual work.


What makes this such a good financial investment in our relationship?

This is less than half the cost of the equivalent amount of couple’s counseling! Payment plans are available if necessary, and we do accept Visa and Mastercard as payment options.




How does The Weekend compare to couple’s counseling?

The Weekend is about building OUTstanding relationships. The emphasis is on strengthening relationships, creating a hopeful, forward-moving momentum on which you can continue building and strengthening your relationship. Though this is not counseling, and in many ways it is more like an intensive class on relationships, The Weekend does offer you all of the benefits of counseling and more. The Weekend is designed to bring out the best in both you and your partner, for the good of your relationship.


Other than the fact this sounds like exactly what we need, are there other compelling reasons to do this workshop?

  • Receive 75% more for your investment than you would in couples counseling – and gain more immediately useful information to put into action right now. For the same cost as 2.5 couple’s counseling sessions, you can receive 12 hours of tools, education, counseling and a rare opportunity for peer-couples support and inclusion in a community of health-oriented couples!  12 hours of couple’s counseling = $1560 or 12 hours of couple’s weekend = $550 ($275 each), if you register 15 days in advance, or $650 ($325 each) if  you register less than 15 days prior to the workshop.
  • Expedite your healing, insight, and relationship growth.  Receive three months worth of counseling in one weekend by attending The Couples Workshop!!
  • Enjoy the benefit of learning from other couples, their experiences, and gain insight and support from other couples that you can not get anywhere else!
  • It is actually not only beneficial to your relationship, it is an enjoyable experience, and you are sure to laugh and meet new friends.


If we are traveling from out of town, do you have any tips about where to stay?


Because my office is 15 minutes from the Indianapolis International Airport, there are many hotels in the area.  If you search my office address online, you can look for nearby hotels that way (2680 E Main Street, Plainfield, IN 46168).  Also, if you are wanting to be downtown Indianapolis, that is only roughly 20 minutes away.

While I’ve never been inside, there is a motel within walking distance to my office and it was renovated in 2014.   A call to them informed me that one-bed room is $59/night and two-bed room is roughly $65/night.

Whitehouse Motel 
2688 E Main St, Plainfield, IN 46168

What do other couples who have done the Lesbian Couples Workshop have to say about it?

  • “I learned a huge, vulnerable spot for [my partner] and saw how it plays out in our relationship. Also, I identified a big hole in my past that affects how I connect with her.”
  • “Michele was funny, entertaining, and so wise with wonderful words of wisdom, compassion and understanding.”
  • “You must be willing to explore your inner depths. If you are willing, you will be rewarded many times over.”
  • “I have learned many things about my partner and myself that I didn’t have a clue this is why I sometimes act the way we do. The communication style is going to be helpful for us!”
  • “This experience was life changing!!!”
  • “It was phenomenal.”
MTF Bottom Surgery Options:  Q & A With Dr. Gallagher

MTF Bottom Surgery Options: Q & A With Dr. Gallagher

Q & A with Dr. Gallagher

Deciding on mtf bottom surgery is an overwhelming process for many transgender women.  There are so many factors to consider when deciding which surgeon to choose for surgery:  location, cost, comfortability, outcomes, aesthetics, experience, rate of complications, surgery style, willingness to work on higher BMI or other potential health complications, aftercare availability, and your overall comfort with his or her personality and bedside manner.  Once you’ve decided on a surgeon, you must also consider your surgical options.  Most people think of vaginoplasty when they think of MTF bottom surgery.

There are also three other options that are less commonly talked about when considering gender affirming surgery.  Some women are not interested in penetration, or the dilating and maintenance that accompanies vaginoplasty.  In particular, older ladies may be more interested in these  less invasive options for surgical affirmation.

MTF bottom surgery

I asked Dr. Gallagher to share her thoughts on the following four questions related to choosing the right MTF Bottom Surgery.

What are the different options for MTF bottom surgery?

What factors are important to consider for each one?


An orchiectomy is the most affordable and least invasive procedure available for MTF bottom surgery.  For some women, this is the only bottom surgery necessary. The orchiectomy  allows women to eliminate testosterone blockers, and estrogen doses may also be reduced. For those hoping to have vaginoplasty later on, this will not prevent you from pursuing additional surgery when you are ready.

Scrotoplasty and orchiectomy

This procedure removes the testicles and the scrotal skin. This is only recommended for patients who will not be undergoing vaginoplasty in the future. Because the wound is slightly bigger, it is a little more invasive than an orchiectomy.  Surgery is completed in one hour, and recovery time before returning to work is typically 1-2 weeks or less.

Zero depth procedure

Zero depth procedure is less invasive and much less likely to cause rectal injury or other complications. This surgery includes all of the steps involved in vaginoplasty (removal of testicles, scrotoplasty, labia pasty, clitoroplasty, shortening of the urethra), except for the creation of a new vagina between the bladder and rectum. This is ideal for women who are not interested in penetration, and wish to avoid the upkeep involved with a new vagina.

What is the most common mtf bottom procedure you do?

Orchiectomy is the most common procedure I do. This is often because many of our patients still sadly don’t have insurance coverage for their full bottom surgery. Orchiectomy is much more affordable for these folks and doesn’t take away any options.

What else is important to know about the various bottom procedures?

It is important to remember that with every surgery there are risks, downtime and in some cases a lot of care required. In order to have a happy vagina that will serve you well, it must be taken care of properly.  You must be able to commit the time necessary to do the dilation, take the time off to recover, and have a good support system of friends and family to get you through this demanding surgery.

For folks who are not at a point in their lives where they can commit to this level of post-surgery-self-care, the other options described above may be more appropriate.


Lesbian survey: Stereotypes – True or False

Lesbian survey: Stereotypes – True or False

Lesbian Survey

Lesbian survey

At asklesbians.com you will find this lesbian survey as well as the results of many others.  The series of questions answered by women-loving- women is designed to offer an accurate look into the lives of “real” lesbians.  No stereotypes, just real women-loving-women giving honest answers to lots of different personal questions.

The current survey is online now. Click image below to take. Results will be posted once a minimum of 100 women complete the questions. Spread the word to your friends.

Healthy Relationship? Try the Gottman Relationship Checkup

Healthy Relationship? Try the Gottman Relationship Checkup

The Gottman Relationship Checkup




The Gottman Relationship Checkup, relationship assessment scale, couple checkup, healthy relationship

The Gottman Relationship Checkup is an online healthy relationship assessment scale  that is comprised of 480 questions which cover five categories of importance to healthy and satisfying relationships. Each partner is provided a private (and separate) link to the Relationship Checkup, and once each partner has completed the questions, a report is generated with the results of your current relationship health. This report is sent to the verified therapist with whom you are working (in this case, me).  The verified therapist will then provide the results of your assessment.  




All couples can benefit from the Gottman Relationship Checkup. This relationship assessment scale does not replace therapy, and it is designed to assist functional couples (not couples in crisis), in deepening their understanding of existing relationships strengths and challenges.

  • Healthy couples who are hoping to stay that way.  This option is for healthy couples such as those considering a commitment or marriage, or couples who feel good about life together, but know that it’s important to continue to prevent issues from surfacing. This path is designed to offer couples a basic couple checkup.  You can validate that “Yes! Our relationship is strong and on the right track!” And, like most healthy couples, you will learn more about what could make your already good relationship even better.
  • For couples struggling with the connection, communication, specific issues such as family or origin boundaries, relationships with ex’s, constant conflicts and misunderstandings, etc… This is a great tool to help you access the heart of your relationship issues quickly and effectively. You can expedite the counseling process, or possibly gain the insights and strategies you need to begin working on your relationship without pursuing professional assistance. The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a great way to get a very detailed overview of your relationship, as well as a detailed roadmap of where to begin focusing your efforts to improve your relational skills.  You will receive separate (private) reports for each partner with specific steps to get you moving in the direction of a “better us,” as well as a relationship overview for you to explore as a couple.



The cost of the Relationship Checkup with Michele O’Mara, PhD is $145.00.  This cost includes one relationship overview report and two separate and private individual Relationship Checkup Reports for each partner. One report will provide a general relationship overview and interpretation of the assessment results. This will include specific observations about what is working and what needs attention, as well as suggestions and strategies for how to begin doing that work together.  Separately, each partner will receive a second report (both pdf files) about his or her individual strengths and challenges, along with specific suggestions to assist each partner in taking personal steps toward healthier behaviors in your partnership.



Depending on the complexity of your relationship issues, and whether or not you choose to provide additional comments, this typically takes from one to two hours to complete.



You can log in multiple times to complete your survey.  The program will save your confidential information in your password-protected login area.



No.  You will not have access to one another’s answers unless you decide to share your passwords.  This is discouraged, however, because it can diminish the effectiveness of the relationship assessment scale.  (It’s important that you answer the questions knowing that no one but you and the therapist will see them).



Yes.  There are also areas for additional comment if you wish to expand on your answer.



Dr. John Gottman and Julie Gottman.  Dr. John Gottman is a clinical psychologist who has completed more than 40 years of research on couples. Dr. Julie Gottman is a clinical psychologist who has been practicing these techniques with couples in various settings.


Wonder what a healthy partnership in love is? Read about it here. Or, lesbian couples can take the Healthy Relationship Quiz here.

Get Your Relationship Checkup


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