There is one thing that every couple experiences who falls deeply in love. It is inevitable. Inescapable.
How you respond will make or break your relationship.
Falling in love is easy. Rising in love takes effort; the right effort.
Falling in love unlocks the door to your internal love-drug lab. Falling in love is easy because we are literally on drugs. Every amorous thought of her is rewarded with another generous dose of self-produced love drugs like dopamine, norepinephrine, and PEA. You are lovestruck and intoxicated.
This love cocktail creates a euphoric feeling and creates an increase in energy, motivation, and mood. Everything looks a little brighter, feels better, tastes better, looks better, and sounds better.
This is your wake-up call. You have found the one. You notice everything you have in common with her, and all of the ways that she completes you. She is THE ONE you’ve been searching for.
This feeling is so good that eventually, you want to secure it with a commitment. Once you feel committed, often this occurs when you move in together, the door to your love-drug lab begins to close. The lab’s work is done. Another couple has been made.
Now for the plot twist.
Once the love cocktail recedes, the one thing every couple experiences is disappointment.
Though it is natural, expected, and even necessary, the decline in your initial feeling of euphoria transforms into a feeling of disappointment. For some, the change is so drastic, you might question if you are still in love. For others, the change is more subtle, less noticeable.
Despite the fact that every couple experiences this, sometimes it takes having multiple relationships before you are convinced that this is natural, expected.
You discover the person you have fallen in love with is flawed. She cannot meet your every need. She cannot read your mind. She cannot erase all of the pain you’ve experienced in your life. She cannot right the wrongs you’ve experienced with others.
She can only make you feel as loveable as you believe you are.
Adding insult, she has needs too. She is disappointed. She is longing for more than you have to offer. She is needing you to be things you are not.
If falling in love is your first wake-up call, disappointment is your second.
You have a choice. How you respond will make or break your relationship. But only always.
When you think about times you have felt disappointed in your relationship, did you respond in ways that moved you closer to what you want, or further from what you want?
The answer to this question will determine whether your love story is coming to a close or if it will keep getting better and better. It’s never too late to write, rewrite, and edit your love story.
You can live several love stories with the same person. Whatever you do, stay open to love, noticing whether your choices move you closer to how you wish to feel or further from how you wish to feel.
Even though every couple experiences the inevitable feeling of disappointment, you have significantly more power to influence your love story than you might imagine.
How strong is your relationship? Take the Love Code Quiz here.