How to Feel Better Now

Is anyone feeling powerless?

This pandemic is such a humbling experience about our place in humanity. We share this earth with so many people, places and things, and right now, most of those things are being dominated by a pathogen that threatens lives and is spreading quickly.

As with everything, we have two choices about where we put our attention.

We can focus on all of the things that we don’t want to be happening now or in the future, or we can focus on all of the things we do want to be happening now and in the future. I hope the strategy I describe below can help you feel more empowered about your current situation – feel better now.

Start by identifying the thing that you want (without referencing that which you don’t want).

➤ I desire…

For example, I might start with, “I want a cure for the virus,” and that feels better than thinking the thought, “I am afraid they won’t find a cure for the virus.”

However, I don’t have the skills to do this, so it does not help give me an empowered feeling. Often we think in solutions, rather than desires. There is a reason I desire a cure, and that’s what we need to figure out.

I desire this 👆because …

The next step is to think more about why I want a cure, I get closer to my desires. “I want a cure so that we are safe to resume our usual activity, and people are not at risk of losing their lives.” And still, I can go further with another self-inquiry about why I want this. 

➤  I desire this 👆because…

“I want this so that I can rest assured my mom will not become infected and die, and so that I can continue providing dating events and couples retreats.” Can I go even further? Probably not with the mom one – death is usually where most of our fears end. However, I can dig deeper in my curiosity about work.

I desire this 👆because…

“I love my work and how I feel when I see people connect, heal and grow love – and I want to feel useful, productive and financially capable of providing for my family.”

You continue until there is no more “because…” that you can think of.

Once there are no more answers to “because…” the next question is:

How can I ?

For me, the HOW QUESTION becomes, “How can I feel useful, productive and financially capable of supporting my family?”

And, this is what I came up with to help me feel better now:

In addition to bringing my services 100% online so I can continue to meet with clients via Zoom, Skype, Face Time and through my HIPPA approved client portal at, I also created/moved these two events online – one for single lesbian, bisexual and queer women, the other for lesbian couples.

What is the answer to your HOW question? 

Start from the beginning, state your desire, then answer “because…” as many times as possible until you get to the core. Lastly, turn your last “because,” into a How question. This is the simple strategy to feel better now.