Playdates vs Lesbian Date Night

Playdates vs Lesbian Date Night

Date nights have never been our thing. Nor are we much of a dinner and a movie kind of couple. Though, last night was an exception.  We saw Where the Crawdads Sing – and it was a dinner-dinner-Witherspoon-winner!  Go.

For some couples, there would be no date without incorporating it in your weekly schedule. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

However, that doesn’t work for us.

It’s not that I’m opposed to schedules. In fact, I wrote about how we do that with our friends, just not our dates.

Playdates have one goal: enjoyment.


lesbian date night, lesbian, date night, playdateLast weekend, we took a 2-hour pottery class together. As it turns out, having an uncle who was a pottery professor bestowed no genetic advantage on my craft. Kristen, on the other hand, was a natural. The win, though, was in the adventure, the challenge, the discovery, and the fun of it all. The bowls, once they are glazed and fired, are a bonus!

When Kristen and I make time to play, moments of predictability become moments of possibility. There’s something about not knowing what’s next that creates a feeling of anticipation. That “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it’s gonna be good,” kind of feeling.

We had one of those days a couple of weeks ago. We cleared the whole day for playtime. When we awoke, it was a beautiful sunny day.

kayakWe knew we wanted to enjoy the weather outside. After tossing back and forth a few ideas, kayaking it was. Instead of going to our usual river, we picked a new spot two hours south of us. We hopped in the car, put the top down, and took off.

Like a couple of Huckleberry Finn’s, we floated the day away. It was perfect.

On the way home, our car broke down.

It was after-hours, and we were so remote that there was no cellular service. Even this became a part of our memorable playdate, as we turned our misfortune into a puzzle to be solved. We drove until we regained cell service, then navigated our way to the nearest town. Luckily, we found an auto parts store where they diagnosed the issue and sold us a serpentine belt. Next, we hit the internet for a mobile mechanic, and eventually, our car was back in action, and we were back on the road. The best part of this delay is that it put us on the road at just the right time to see the sun setting as we made our way home.

That’s our kind of playdate.


For the ultimate lesbian playdate, join us for a Lesbian Adventures in Love retreat. (click here for more information).

10 Reasons We Need Lesbian Couple Friends

10 Reasons We Need Lesbian Couple Friends

10 Reasons We Need

Lesbian Couple Friends

On the first Saturday of each month, my wife Kristen and I go to the same breakfast spot near the courthouse where we were married. We have a standing date with our friends at 8:00 am. The first couple to arrive grabs our usual table. After big hugs and hellos, we spend the next hour, sometimes two, sharing stories over breakfast. We cover it all the funny, serious, touching, frustrating, problematic, or sad experiences we’ve had in the last month.

Like strands of sturdy fiber that weave in and out of our day-to-day experiences, lesbian couple friends add color, support, texture, and depth to the tapestry of our lives.

Sometimes, our friendships lose momentum, or life moves us in different directions, and we grow apart. Other times, important people weave in and out of the pages of our life. Like the spine of a book, our friends hold the stories of who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming.

When we partner or marry, our spouse becomes our person, our best friend. For many lesbians, our relationship replaces our friendships altogether. When this happens, we rely on our spouse/partner to be everything. We are best friends, lovers, companions, supporters, playmates, hobby-mates, workout buddies, companions, a two-person-book club, housekeepers, co-parents, co-workers, co-people, and so on.

The weight of this pressure to be everything to one another is difficult to sustain, and it’s one of many reasons we need good lesbian couple friends.

Research tells us that friends improve not only our life satisfaction but also our marriages. There are many reasons for this, and I’ve listed ten below.

Lesbian Couple Friends:

  1. offset the impact of societal, work or family rejection and social isolation;
  2. offer fun, warmth, enjoyment and camaraderie;
  3. cheer our success and support us in times of need;
  4. bear witnesses to, and keep safe the stories of our life;
  5. encourage accountability and provide unconditional acceptance, relatability, and a sense of belonging;
  6. give us new insight into the dynamic of our relationship, allowing us a different view of ourselves and each other;
  7. let us see our partner independent of our relationship as we observe her interacting with others, appreciating her as an individual;
  8. offer us a more comfortable and validating experience where we feel safe to drop our guard, feel less isolated, marginalized, and “different”;
  9. illuminate our personalities by giving us the opportunity to tap into and bring to life different aspects of our personality in response to our unique interaction’s with lesbian couple friends 
  10. friends bear witness our importance to one another, which validates our unity and belongingness to one another

Number ten is extra important. 

Without friends, some couples live in secrecy.  Visibility as a same-sex couple in public spaces can feel unsafe, awkward, or uncomfortable instead of comforting, validating, or a source of pride.

Despite the legalization of marriage, many lesbians continue to conceal their relationship from public view. Grabbing her hand in public or greeting her with a hug and a kiss in a public venue can be an act of bravery. This is not a natural occurrence like it is for our heterosexual peers.

One thing (there are many) Kristen and I love about our Lesbian Adventures in Love Retreats are the friendships that develop. One of our Portland couples traveled with their two children to visit retreat-mates and new friends in Utah. A couple from Washington State signed up for a bike race in Iowa where they will be joining their retreat-mates and new friends from Illinois. Two couples from our Utah retreat enjoyed dinner together in their home state, Texas. These stories of friendship light our fire! 🔥

As we continue to grow this beautiful tribe of lesbian couples, we are discovering more and more about the healing power of lesbian couple friendship and the positive impact they have on our life satisfaction and relationship success. If you are interested in growing your relationship, expanding your circle of friendship and support, and having a vacation you will never forget – we’d love to have you join us in a Adventures in Love retreat. 

To join us for a live Q&A session about our next retreat, reach out to us or join us on zoom for a casual, live Q&A session. (click here for that schedule). 

In the words of Matthew Kelly,

“The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us to become the best version of ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves.”

This is true for your relationship, too. If you want to cultivate the best version of your relationship, spend time with us.

We know some fantastic couples you’ll be happy to call friends