Once you become conscious of your dance (relationship), you can learn new steps and stop stepping on each other’s toes (feelings).
Good News: “I want to step on your toes,” said no one, ever.
Chances are, if you found your way to my website, you are searching for answers about your relationship.
Maybe you are like a lot of the couples who want to break the cycle of miscommunication that leads to one (or both) of you getting very frustrated and feeling like the other just doesn’t “get” you, or seems to be disinterested in staying in the conversation. This dance has a real knack for leaving one partner feeling like she is dismissed, unheard, and will never get her needs met and the other feeling like nothing she does is good enough.
Or maybe you feel like you’ve fallen out of love, experienced infidelity or another other betrayal, find yourself in constant conflict, feel disconnected and distant, have mixed libidos or feel undesired by your partner/ spouse, or other relationship concerns, whatever the relationship issue, helping couples like you is what I do.
Though the majority of my clients are couples in a relationship, I do also see individuals with relationship concerns such as: seeking support and guidance with dating concerns, pre-marital counseling, marriage help, infidelity or other betrayals, discernment counseling, breakup recovery, family-of-origin relationship issues, work relationships, friendships, and everything in between.
If relationship concerns brought you here, and you want a well-trained advocate for your relationship, you are in the right place.
If relationship concerns brought you here,
you are in the right place.
WORKING WITH ME
My practice is 100% virtual for coaching and counseling services. What this means is that instead of meeting in a physical office, I will meet you (or you and your partner/spouse) online via zoom.us in my HIPPA secure zoom room: zoom.us/j/3175170065
If your work schedule requires that you join a session from different locations, this is also an option with zoom.us.
Many people call from the privacy of their car on lunch breaks, hotel rooms when traveling, or from the comfort of your home.
My online scheduler is available 24/7 at omaratime.com. After registering, only one of you will schedule the two of you. If you are seeking reimbursement from your insurance company, the one seeking reimbursement should schedule the session, so your receipts are in the correct name.
COACHING VS COUNSELING
Once you BOTH have registered on my client portal (register separately – it’s a HIPPA thing), you will need to decide if you prefer couples counseling (only for Indiana residents) or couples coaching (available to everyone).
COACHING VS COUNSELING: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?
COUNSELING is designed to identify and treat mental health issues within the scope of diagnoses listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual which lists these so-called mental “disorders.” The focus of counseling is on “treating” mental health disorders and it requires a diagnosis. This is the only service that allows you to seek reimbursement for payments made for counseling services. To read more about how I feel about this, click here. Also, because counseling is a licensed service, your therapist must be licensed in the state where you are physically located. My license is only valid for Indiana. This means, if you do not live in Indiana, you must opt for Coaching services.
COACHING is my preferred style of working with people. I am focused on helping individuals and couples identify the life they wish to live, and supporting them in achieving this. The focus is not on what’s wrong (“disorders”), instead, the focus is on where you want to head with your relationship. Coaching creates a more authentic relationship between the provider (me) and the couple (you), because we join efforts to move your relationship toward a more desirable state that feels the way you want. Coaching is invested in your relationship dreams, not in diagnoses and treatment.
SESSION OPTIONS & FEES
85 minutes ($205) – Preferred length for couples
2 hours ($280) – Ideal length for first session (though 85 minutes works)
Typically, insurance companies do not cover the service of “couples counseling,” or “relationship counseling.” They will, however, cover a diagnosable issue for the identified client. For this and many other reasons, I have opted to be out-of-network for all insurance companies. This means that you may have the option to be reimbursed at an out-of-network rate determined by your insurance coverage, and once you pay for your services with me, you can submit your paid receipts directly to your insurance company for reimbursement.
HELPFUL INFORMATION ABOUT UNDERSTANDING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH BENEFITS
To determine your benefit information, contact the customer care # on your insurance card and request the following information:
1. What are my out-of-network mental health benefits?
2. What is my out-of-network deductible?
3. How many sessions am I allowed per year?
4. Where do I send claims for reimbursement?
5. What is the typical length of turn-around time it takes you to reimburse a claim?
* They may ask you for a diagnosis and a CPT code. To give them something to work with, you can use: diagnosis F43.20 or ICD9 #309.9 (same thing, different systems); CPT code is 90837 for my 85-minute sessions or, 90834 is for my 50-minute session.
** You may also want to ask, “What is your usual and customary reimbursement for this?” What that means is, if you pay $205 for your session, they may say they consider an 85 minute session to only be worth $175. In this example, your reimbursement will be whatever percentage of $175 that they cover for an 85 minute session (90837), because it is based on their “usual and customary” rate, not my rate.
Hopefully, this information helps you avoid any unnecessary surprises.
WHAT HAPPENS IN RELATIONSHIP COACHING / COUNSELING?
Relationships are fluid, dynamic, co-created entities and while most couples have similar patterns of interaction that result in disconnection, conflict, and difficulties, the way I approach couples coaching and counseling is to:
1. Establish what is going on. This is the starting point of all relationship coaching. The first order of business is to establish a genuine and thorough understanding of how each partner feels and experiences their relationship. This is to benefit the coaching process but is also the starting point – that both of you also develop a genuine understanding of how the other experience your relationship.
2. Assess the motivation and desire to improve the relationship. (On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being I’ll do anything and 1 being I’ve got one foot out the door) how motivated are you to work on this relationship? If one partner brings less than a “5” motivation to the experience, it is likely a better route to engage in Discernment Counseling which is a clarification process that is not counseling, rather it is an exploration of whether or not the partner who is “leaning out,” or motivated at less than a “5”, needs in order to want to do the work of repairing and growing the relationship.
3. Identify and prioritize the threats to your relationship and the resonance of this hurt with past hurts. This includes an understanding of unresolved hurts, and betrayals (both within and prior to the relationship) and clarifying how disruptive these issues are to trust/vulnerability and commitment. This also involves identifying the gap between the desired and actual feelings and experiences of each partner in the relationship.
4. Expose the dance. Every couple has a dance of communication that usually involves a combination of effective and ineffective styles. It’s important to name the steps in your dance of communication in order to identify the ineffective steps so you can replace those with effective ones. Effectively communication about sensitive topics and areas of disagreement is essential in order to begin the work of repairing and/or growing your relationship.
5. Begin the work of healing, repairing, and growing the relationship. Once the above is established (and sometimes that can take just one session, other times it can take several to achieve those goals), attention is directed toward the issues that were prioritized in #3 above.
All things relationship – that’s my jam.
Whether you are seeking couples counseling to heal a relationship you are in, or you are seeking individual counseling because your partner or spouse will not join you, or you desire a space to process your relationship concerns, or you wish to process a breakup, or navigating being single – this is what I do.
I love working with those who do not fit the mold.
The greatest compliment I receive from clients is that they experience me as “real,” and that they feel comfortable just being exactly who they are. I want you to show up exactly as you are. If you you normally use profanity to express yourself, then use profanity. If humor’s a big part of your personality – bring your sense of humor. I have a deep appreciation for those who identify as “different,” and not the “norm.” Whether it’s because you are lesbian, or you are in a poly relationship, or because you have a particular kink, or you don’t subscribe to strict gender roles – whatever makes you different is also what makes you, you.
Whatever you do, be you.
- Relationship Conflicts
- Breakup/Divorce Recovery
- Dating Concerns
- Commitment Struggles
- Coping with Infidelity
- Sibling or Family Conflicts
- Friendship Conflicts
- Work Relationship Conflicts
What have you done for your relationship lately?
If you want to feel better about your relationship, ask yourself this question: What am I doing to make things better? Our first instinct is to turn toward our spouse or partner and hold them responsible for our pain. Learn 52 ways you can improve your relationship starting now.
Nothing changes, unless something changes.
Is it time for you to make a change?
Let’s do it together.